Fade away..
Saturday, October 25, 2008
while propping my thermodynamics textbook against the laptop at this unearthly hour, everything is deafeningly silent around me except for the music from yman pouring out from my speakers. i don't really know why, but the urge to retrospect burgeons up once more.

I give thanks to many things in life. For all the different events in my long, tragic yet comedic path of life that shaped me to be who I am today, for all the people who've influenced me in all the irritatingly minute ways they have, for all the people whom I've dared to open my heart to and yet pushed me away, for all the mentors who have enlightened me through difficult times, for all the buddies who've stood beside me when I gave in to depression and ruin.

For all these things, I'd really like to thank each and everyone of you. Thank you for shaping me to be who I am now. I might not like it, or even appreciate it, but I believe I will come to feel that way in the future.

To the 30th: Thank you for forming the wonderful family whose company I've enjoyed tremendously in my first year of university life. It really changed me alot, working with you guys. I probably didn't have a proper chance to thank each and everyone of you for the chances I've had in the past year, but I'd like to thank a few people who might not even visit: It's my way of saying thanks

Ethan - Thank you for being such an understanding boss, for being a friend and sharing the anecdotes of life that become the backbone of some things I preach and feel enthused about.

Matthew - For looking after me in times when I fell, for leading me back on the path of rationality when emotions threatened to turn me away from my work. Thank you so much, for being my role model in my work, for being someone whom I'd like to emulate and become in stature.

Yman - We've been through alot of shit together in the past year, ranging from love problems to just staying back in clubroom to study or even play games. I really, really had alot of fun hanging out with you. You've been a wonderful guy to hang out with, and I am amazed that we can remain so true to each other regardless of how hilariously cock you can be. It takes a certain character to be able to relate to people like how you do, and I am thankful for your infectious pride in your work, for that is something I'd really came to appreciate and treasure.

To my fellow buddies: Thank you so much for hanging back with me when I get irritatingly gloomy, for constantly listening in to me and repeating by rote all the advice when I turn emo. I really wouldn't have survived the mind-boggling nights wondering the consequences of each decision without you guys keeping me company.

Khengsoon, Wenhao, Kinloong - You guys have been with me throughout the entire year, seeing me through comedic tragedies and formative experiences all the same. I've had tons and tons of complaints, and you guys never gave up listening. I'm glad for you guys to be here with me now, and even treasure the times we share now as fellow bachelors in trouble. With regard to our plans to get attached, I still am baffled at how retardedness can surface amidst such sound plans and unbelievable odds to ruin things, but thank you for all your help and assistance all the same. Thank you for keeping me sane, thank you for helping me with my work, be it club-wise or academic-wise. Thank you, for sticking with me and joining me at my work. For all these things, I'm really glad we're buddies.

Van - Throughout the previous year, I've consistently wandered about, finding my proper aim and direction. I could never put my finger on it, and strayed many a time until its almost exasperating. Thank you, for being there for me when I needed a listening ear, and thank you for the wonderful times I've enjoyed in your company. Thank you, for never turning me down and back whenever I've imposed on you, and thank you for helping me improve whenever I've faulted, for teaching me the things that I've came to grasp right now. Thank you, for being someone I can count on to be there even when we don't speak at times, and thank you for being someone I can trust in this crazy world. Most importantly, thank you, for making life in university so special, so much more interesting.

Vincent - Thank you so much, for all the times we've shared at coffeeshops discussing life and philosophies in general. Thank you for sharing all the mentalities and thoughts on issues, for teaching me how to analyse matters and relationships, for being someone whom I can pour my heart out to. Thank you for being so wonderfully receptive of my negative nature, for being my cushion when I fell badly. Thank you, for being my sanity check when I came near to the edge, for letting me put my thoughts to words whenever I have something lodged in my heart. Most of all, thank you, for making my first year in university so different from others'.

My life in university so far has been a thoroughly rocky path, for I've deviated from my work more than once. To these select few who've influenced my life in their unknowingly endearing ways, I thank you for your earnest acceptance of my presence. Thank you, for enduring the irritating times when I could not remain rational, for allowing me to learn the valuable lessons in life and giving me a better understanding of myself and the opposite gender. Thank you, for allowing me to become who I am now, for letting me appreciate the things in life that I've came to neglect in my emotion-ravaged states. Thank you, for bearing the brunt of the worst of me to allow me to improve myself.

This is a seemingly random post, and the focus runs as the post becomes longer and longer. There's alot of people I'd like to thank, but these are the select few who've inspired, and affected me thoroughly in my university life. Looking back, I've exhibited the most change from JC and Army to Uni, and I am grateful for every damned thing that I've undergone to mold me to become who I am now. It is not the post that I hold, but the work that I do, and the influence I am able to exert now that keeps me in awe of how much I've changed from being an apathetic boy. I'd like to do my best now, for this is what I truly believe to be the best use of my time. It's what I'd like to do, and now I want to do it to the best of my capabilities.


Now, its back to work. Thank you, for reading.

learning through life's potholes

Wednesday, October 22, 2008
it all came back to me when her friend told me it was a bad idea; frankly, I was looking to forget the matter and move on with work. Studies and responsibilities are all kicking in, and its really time for these other affairs to take a back seat. Well, not until tonight when I got reminded of the horrible retarded mistake that I did back then..

i probably mentioned it before; the worst nightmare I can ever have, is to fail in an attempt of romance and yet be discussed as a horror or comedy story in front of the said girl's friends. its crushing, and i frankly couldn't imagine how it would feel like. perhaps, now it does hit hard, especially when i'm holding office doing something where the person in power has to be invincible and virtually no chinks in his armour.

So...like i said, i'm really tired and hideously disgusted with that pathetic mistake. in fact, i HONESTLY didn't know what came over my mind back then, it really was the worst way to tell someone the truth about how you feel, but what's done is done; i'll move on, and watch my step from here on out..

yeap, my work affects the lives of others, and i'm definitely going to do it right. not for myself, but for the people i pledged to help and assist, to the population i've grown to regard as both friends and charges.

for that, i'll wear that shell of invulnerability..and for that, all else shall have to wait...

learning through life's potholes

Thursday, October 16, 2008
I remember in the olden days of yore, back down when we wore khaki shorts and brass buttons on our uniforms, there were a few seniors who returned to school to give talks about life in university, and other aspects of life outside books. They spoke so confidently up on stage, in front of several originally uninterested students, and before I even knew it, I was captivated by their speeches. It felt so inspiring, so much so that I really wanted to be one of these cool guys who could so easily spark off the dreams of others with just mere words and their contained enthusiasm.

And looking back the previous year of activities in university, I sincerely hope that I've gathered sufficient experience and clout to be able to do so. Maybe not on such a grand scale of things, but I would really like to have grown to an extent when I no longer am the quiet, shy guy trying in a corner.

Somehow, I'd really like to be able to influence the lives of people around me. Not necessarily in a direct way, but at the very least, I hope the people I talk to either during Recruitment Drive, or even my directors can draw any minute amount of aspiration to stand out and be heard; to be enthused in their daily work and be encouraged in surmounting any obstacles they might come across in life.

Perhaps, its somewhat a very arrogant dream, but being a student leader for a year, I've grown to lead a life full of interaction and big words. Maybe, somewhere deep down, I'm looking to become one of those people on the stage, to be the one to spark off others' dreams to explore their potential. Maybe, I'd like to be motivational to people.

Wow. I wonder if that is an ambitious aspiration, or I'm just plain dreaming again.

learning through life's potholes

Tuesday, October 07, 2008
its so cute, how circumstances change and how volatile one can feel towards someone else. i don't really know either, but i think i'm bordering on cynicism towards such things already. i'm really tired of all the bullcrap that's gone wrong for the past few weeks, and even more so about being the one forever trying to salvage matters. it takes 2 hands to clap, and no matter how anyone can put it being our responsibility to see things through whether or not it succeeds, i'm sick of being the one giving everything.

so, seriously, i know its wrong to just disappear, but right now, i really can't be bothered anymore. looks like i'm going to stay bachelor for a very long time, and i don't care what others say about stuff either.

i'm going to focus on my work for now.

learning through life's potholes

There's a Hole in my

Sidewalk
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. Its a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.

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Eddi Ow
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