Dreaming

possessive

2011-12-23T11:51:00.001-08:00

its been a long time, but my stand remains the same.
any fucktard who dares to mess around with my gf shall suffer no peace.

i'm not a mute

2011-08-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

some people say, if you don't talk, people will think you're a sick cat.

other times, when you do, you'll be thought as someone overpowering, too vocal, that you drown out other thoughts.

so when do you shut up and suck it up, and when do you speak out knowing that it'll raise a tsunami of problems in the future. is it worth it? does speaking up actually work anyways?

no wonder there is a saying: shut up and keep your head down.

what what?

2011-08-08T04:41:00.000-07:00

stupid. only you hold the key to dissipating my anger so don't abuse it!

home. now.

2010-10-07T11:26:00.001-07:00

i need to go home.

like right now.

a month long curry

2010-10-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

That was seriously long cooking times for a curry.

Anyways, I'm now finally counting down my last 10 weeks in Philly. It's all ending soon...I've learnt many things about the world and myself as I slowly explored the States, meeting people and slowly Americanizing myself to the culture.

So now I'm going back to hot, humid Singapore with crazy aunties screaming on the MRTs. I wonder how much it has changed, for the one long year I have been away. My journeys have brought me far and wide, through many continents and towns and cities and boroughs. Before the memories fade, I'll chronologically list down the places I have ever visited here:

1) Copenhagen!
My very first trip was actually one out of the country...flying from Philadelphia to Manchester to Copenhagen. Or rather, that was supposed to be the intended flight path until Philly had a 1hour departure delay, making us sit on the landing strip for that amount of time was so unbearable when all I wanted was to see Mel on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. I reached Manchester only to see my flight pull out of the departure gate..and later found out that flight was to be the last one Copenhagen-bound then! Holy@#$%^...I was then told to go to Munchen (Munich) in Germany, where I POTENTIALLY could catch a flight towards Copenhagen from there. Problem was: the flight I was on would actually land 30minutes after the departure time of the connecting flight, but the attendant said Munich was having horrible weather and crazy snow, so she's confident the flight would be delayed. Besides, there's a 2nd flight to Copenhagen from Munich if I miss the first one.

So off I went to Munich, touching down to realize that the first flight had already flown off and the bloody Sun was shining its butt in general. What makes things worse: the 2nd flight was fully booked, and once again I was stuck, this time in Germany, with no flight to Copenhagen and no way to see Mel. Horrible, horrible planning by Lufthansa. I approached the counter and the lady only could sheepishly say....."Well, we could fly you to Frankfurt, then you could catch the plane to Copenhagen." By then I didn't really care when I would reach Copenhagen, so I just agreed and hopped onto the plane. Sadly, the moment I hopped on, Munich started to have a BLIZZARD. The plane was entirely covered with slurpee slushy snow, and we spent nearly an hour, with us customers on board and the plane in the hangar, seeing employees wash away the snow. What made things worse than it could be? The connecting flight's departure time passed when my plane in Munich was still in the hangar. FML.

So finally we flew to Frankfurt, and thankfully Frankfurt was Copenhagen-friendly. We (me and another American who was equally pissed) missed the next flight to Copenhagen, seeing the plane pull out of the gate (AGAIN!). We waited 4 hours before we finally got on to the plane to Copen...and that was where I finally saw Mel again. Thank goodness...I was 12 hours late and distraught, and I was so pleased just to touch Copenhagen ground. However, my luggage bag was MIA and only arrived 2 days later with a broken wheel...which I got replaced thanks to flight insurance! Denmark is unbelievably clean and sanitary, but horribly, disgustingly expensive. A simple McDonalds meal costs $17SGD, and a small pack of minced pork costs $10USD. I nearly grew crazy shopping groceries with Mel, knowing how badly she has starved herself there, I just wanted to buy everything for her and stop her from becoming skin and bones!

2) Prague
Me and Mel went on a trip to Prague in....March/April? It was biting cold from winter still, but we didn't really care. Prague was so awesome and picturesque, with fairytale castles and astounding views from the historic buildings of pre-World War. We spent most of our time walking, walking, and walking Prague, visiting powder towers and climbing stairs to the highest points around. The Astronomical Clock, the Charles Bridge (Karluv Most?), and cheating on fares in the subway, writing our names and our wishes down in the guestbooks...it was really too beautiful a honeymoon that I didn't want to go home at all. I still remember cooking Mel's few dinners the first few nights I was at her place in Copenhagen...and all the times we literally squealed when we saw the Key Statue which signalled that we were actually near a KFC. (OMG!!)

3) Washington D.C
It's to D.C for a Sakura Festival! Cherry Blossoms all around while I drove 6 hours to, 6 hours back from Philly to Washington D.C. We visited the Holocaust Museum and picnicked under the Sun for hours, while taking photos and doing a speedy walking tour of the country's capital. We saw Capitol Hill, took photos outside the White House, and visited the Jefferson Memorial, and the Reflection Pool...it was all antiquated and I was pretty messed up by the drive to and fro, so I did not really pay much attention, rather, I preferred to just quietly soak up the atmosphere of being in the very place where movies were made.

Oh yeah, and the Reflection Pool before the Jefferson Memorial was full of duckshit.

4) Latvia!!! (and Copenhagen again!)
Its' a pity I did not really take much photos (or uploaded them) of Latvia. We were the top 20 finalist teams for a business case and simulation competition, and got invited to Latvia for the grand finals. Realizing that we actually were representing both the States and Singapore, I had to cut my hair to look presentable. :( Well...the story goes that we got ourselves throttled really badly, but the best thing ever was the chance to do a surprise visit to Mel (since Latvia was in Europe after all!) again! I know the surprise didn't turn out the way it should have been, but I was really glad to just spend some time with her...it was well worth every penny, and I was so glad I didn't get lost going to her house!

5) Boston
This time round, I went over to Boston with Mo Bi and Lelian. We drove (well, he and lelian took turns driving) to Boston crossing over New York and New Jersey. There, we visited the famous Quincy Market on Independence Day (4th July), and also went to eat fresh oysters at the famous Union Oyster House (there's an oyster bar there!) We had crazy freaking huge lobster, one each at $15! After that we went to the Clam Chowder fest in Boston Marketplace and tasted zomg amounts of Clam Chowder...simply fantastic :)

Oh, and I dropped by Queens in New York for dinner along the way home!

6) Puerto Rico
My memory's starting to fade on the small trips, but this is one hugeass trip I will never, ever forget. It was a life-changing experience, and its just unimagineable how such crazy things could have happened to us, and how lucky we were to come out of it unscathed. Puerto Rico was a rainy country that seriously put a gloom on our vacation plans. We had a beautiful beach house on the northwestern part of Puerto Rico at Arecibo, taking us a 2hr drive from San Juan (Huan, as they pronounce it). I loved their mofongo (fried mashed plantains - think goreng pisang, in soup and sauce with shrimp and oysters and the shizz). We missed boats and got speeding tickets and basically got into any type of trouble you could ever imagine that I would not write on the blog, but it is just hilarious how Mel's face remained nonplussed when I told her the same thing happened to me again in 10hrs time. We rode speedboats across the Atlantic Ocean and visited uninhabited islands where you could really see fishes and coral reefs just at your fingertips (it got that shallow!). We visited the beautiful beaches and got severely sunburnt and cried about it the remaining of our trip back, and visited the casino and got lucky a while too!

7) Niagara Falls (New York, Buffalo)

8) FLORIDA! (Kissimee, Orlando and Miami)
My 3rd honeymoon with Mel! It was s super hectic time there, visiting Orlando by plane, driving to Miami by night and flying home to Philly the next morning after a beachful day!

9) New York
10) Utah, Idaho (Yellowstone!)

x) Longwood Gardens and Hang Gliding (can't remember where!)
These don't really count as a state, but boy these were great excursions and roadtrips! We booked the car for both days on the weekend, and visited Longwood Gardens and Hershey Park and did Hang Gliding! Hershey Park was boring because we didn't really go to the theme park; it was just the Chocolate World and we went off for a town tour where we saw the Hershey College, and cute Hershey Kisses lamp-posts!

x) Lancaster and Shady Maple
x) Baltimore Aquarium

what a upcoming birthday

2010-09-23T13:23:00.001-07:00

my only wish is for everything to be all right back home, and when i come back.

what am i doing...

2010-06-03T12:52:00.000-07:00

what am i doing...

i don't know why i'm so unhappy..

why have i became so emo now...

why am i feeling so broken all of a sudden...

why have i given up my happiness back home to come here..

why do i feel that i'm still not doing things right...

why do i feel alone even living in the house with friends....

i need my someone i can truly confide in...my dearest girl..

i just want to hold her hand for one day.

or hug her in my arms for one night.

i just want to see her smile in real life.

53 more days to go.

i must survive..

i miss her.

alot.

fuck you

2010-05-24T13:37:00.000-07:00

to whoever you are up there.

i mean it. stop harrassing her. i know you've always waited for times when i'm not around to harm my dearest, and i curse you for it. stop doing that...if you have a bone to pick, hit me instead. i don't mind losing everything i have, but don't you dare hurt my girlfriend again. it just hurts so horribly badly when i see the damage that you've wrecked to her life, i just want to let you know there will not be a next time. no matter what you do, i will make sure she won't fall to your evil plans. i will protect her sacred smile, because it means everything in the world to me. i will not let the world harm her ever again...never again..

she will not fall to your evil ways. she will prevail, because she's my girl, and i'm watching over her. YOU WILL NOT TAKE ANOTHER TEAR FROM HER EVER AGAIN!

fuck you.

been here for 3.5months..

2010-04-17T19:17:00.000-07:00

A quarter of life just passed.

I've travelled to Europe, traversed Copenhagen, crossed Munich, visited Frankfurt, hit Manchester, conquered Prague, all in a trip. I drove down to Washington D.C and back without a scratch. I went hang-gliding and never felt better. I visited Longwood Gardens and Hershey Park where the lampposts were Hershey kisses. I learnt how to cook so many different things that I believe I can be a pretty okay cook back home. I survived 3 of the worst snowstorms in the history of Philadelphia. I went ice-skiing and learnt how to skii down without falling.

I got to see my girlfriend in the person.

That's for 3.5months of life here in the U.S. If there's only one thing I wished I had, I wish my girl could be here with me, or I could be there with her. It doesn't matter, as long as she's happy.

Put on a brave smile, there's a little while more to go before I bring her to Florida. Got to start planning our itinery there, but I'm definitely bringing her to Magic Kingdom of Disneyland. I owe her so much more than that...but it's a start. It will be a really fun honeymoon...I'm really looking forward to that =x

My Life in USA

2010-01-29T22:02:00.001-08:00

I thought I should update a bit, while waiting for Mel to wake up.

Anyways, its been 3 weeks since I started working, approximately a month since my entry into USA, and I guess I'm pretty settled in. Spent a bomb already here shopping and eating everyday, so now I've been living pretty frugally ($0 spent in 2 weeks!) just so my non-existant paycheque can cover up for the big hole in my pocket!

Anyways its really nice to hear that the people in Singapore are doing well, and for the first time I really miss CNY...all the CNY goodies and the bakkwa and omggg! Hahaa...I cook my own bakkwa in form of bacon strips for breakfast every morning so I guess it isn't too bad...but I'll miss everyone, really!

So work's been all right so far, I've got nice colleagues that keep me company amidst the hectic work, and I've a great mentor who's been treating us like treasure (reallie!), and its the first time in 4 weeks that I feel really special and welcomed in USA! Ahhh....but still, life isn't the same without Mel by my side, but that's for me to know and for you nosy buggers to ignore :P

Everyone in SG, study hard/play hard/IA hard/FYP hard! And KL....good luck finding a job soon! Please poke me and I'm so sorry if I don't reply soon, I have a 13hr time difference from everybody and when I return I gotta mug for school!

Take care peeps! Pictures going up when I get the time!

sigh..

2009-11-30T23:12:00.001-08:00

sigh...why do i give up on my most precious things just to pursue lousy useless alphabets?

i can't bear this i really wish she'd be here with me...i hate this lousy feeling of inadequacy in my own course of study that makes me reliant on assistance from others, so much that i can't deal with problems myself.

now i can't even do things properly. on both sides. sigh..i just miss her so much =(

Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T06:46:00.001-08:00

Its Thanksgiving tonight.

I thank whomever prayed for and wished for my Dad to get well after his heart bypass surgery.

I thank my family for supporting my financially all the way while not making money a problem for me. It kept my mind off wanting to give tuition, and allowed me time for more leisure and other stuffs.

I thank my buddies who stuck through with me the entire year, all the way through Engin Club and FOP season.

I thank my girl, who made life so radically more enjoyable with her love =)

Yup. Back to Ceramics and Dielectrics =D

demanding

2009-11-13T09:53:00.000-08:00

sigh...am i too demanding to push my wishes onto others...

i don't want to think about it...but it just keeps nagging me how everytime its been rejected when i bring up the matter...i can't feel any security to it. not when it forms my dreams of the future.

i'm selfish. not very perfect, and i'm scared too. i want to know where i'm going. whether there's this path open for me to walk this dream at all..

=(

someone bang me down

2009-11-10T06:12:00.000-08:00

i dunno why, just walking home across the street i wished someone would just bang me down.

my bloody big mouth never fails to screw things up...=(

Eddie does a Bankai

2009-11-07T05:43:00.001-08:00

Lab report x2
Group Presentation Slides x 1
Final Term Exam x1

Time left for completion : 48hrs

Eddi does a Bankai and Died.

bf fail

2009-10-24T00:37:00.001-07:00

there's just some times when no matter what you do, you can never do anything right.

that sucks the worst, because now i'm not doing anything right for the right girl...sigh.

i'm a retarded idiot.

all i want to do now

2009-09-28T06:45:00.000-07:00

...yep.

so i'm really leaving on a jet plane, just 2 more months down the road. Damn. I can't imagine how life will be like without Mel being beside me when I do things. I'll really miss things back in Singapore..but like what Kiamin told me as what happened back then with his gf, it only takes effort and a steady heart to link two people together =)

its my daily prayer to see you happy every day now...because this whole year away, i only want to dream of you and your cheeky radiant smile..

may everyday left together before this journey be a happy, fruitful one!

and this isn't farewell, this isn't even goodbye. I'll be back.

it just cant come faster

2009-08-28T19:56:00.000-07:00

if there's one thing i'd like right now in the world, it'll be a long long break. the last 2 weeks of my work is coming soon, and my final duties will soon commence.

finally its time to sink into obscurity and lead a quiet life..

tired of work

2009-08-11T04:56:00.000-07:00

i'm so tired.

work never seems to end, even after a crazy rush of duties fulfilled during the 3 months when every normal student is enjoying life and relaxing. i seriously need a break, a getaway from all the work and responsibilities i need to shoulder once i get back on track.

not to forget, this sem's 7 module workload is going to be yet another obstacle to handle. i really wish my last sem in NUS before i leave would be enjoyable...=x

there's always a recovery period for every person, and i'm pretty sure i've reached my breaking point after 2 years of service. it's funny how something so enjoyable becomes that much of a sacrifice once you grow old, but i'm running out of steam and fighting really hard to maintain myself through this final semester. i need a big break away from NUS, from all the work that people need me to do, or the things people expect me to fulfil.

somehow, i just can't stand anymore politicking. i'm out of this arena, and i've nothing left to offer. i'm spent. so please don't heap any more work to me, i'm already reaching my neck in shit that i cannot solve by myself.

i just want to complain.

my wonderful grand-dad

2009-07-03T21:55:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning feeling extremely horrible about myself. And before I can no longer appreciate him for the person he is, I have to pen down how I feel, and what I have to do for him.

You see, my family origins stem from the hard work of a honest and humble artisan. My grand-dad lived through the dark ages of Japanese occupation and lived a hard life working from young, often in the labour-intensive, high-risk industries back in early Malaya. He's started working as a sandcaster at an age of 11, a shipwright at age 12, a manual fireman in his twenties, and in his adult years worked on the shipyards as a worker that defied Germans, Americans and Japanese engineers alike to finish tasks they themselves could never complete.

It's been quite some time ever since I paid real attention to the things he's been saying to me and my sister, and I never really appreciated the stories he's been telling me of all the technical details he knows, often giving a cursory hmmph in hopes of him going away. After last night's dream, I kinda feel horribly bad for not giving him the bliss a grandfather should have, being able to share his life story with his children and grand-children, of not giving him the due respect of being the treasure of the family.

So for the past few years, he's been quietly running errands for the family, often staying up late whenever I come home after partying late but yet waking up early to go to the market with my grandma. Thing is, I actually dreamt of him being literate enough to blog about things, and I stumbled upon his woes and grouses on a blog in that dream. Like how he has given everything for us, but how we have always consistently overlooked his contribution. It wasn't pretty, and I don't feel like I've done my part for him as his family.

='(

So today I really sat down and listened to his life story. Sure, he tends to rant and all, but when he showed me his worktools it really shows how clever he really is. All the standard tools we can buy from shops, he has ingeniously tweaked them to be even more useful through various ways of metalcrafting. Forging, sandcasting, shipwrighting, all these artisan skills that have been lost through the ages still lie deep within his hands, and for once, I really am glad to have been able to communicate and understand the uses behind each modified tool he has wrought.

I guess it all runs in the family. All of us guys are equally plagued with health problems, but each of us have a tremendous amount of pride in our work and our lives. Grandpa takes a lot of pride in his tools, almost to the point where his memories of his life stem from these spanners and wrenches which take up so much space that Mom actually disposed of them without regard for his feelings...and hearing him complain about it really makes me sad..after all, I take equal sentiment into my junk, where each letter or each gift is seeded with precious memories I take with me regardless of where I go.

Grandpa, your tools will follow my household no matter how little space I have left in my adobe. It is your legacy, and I'll definitely pass it on as tools of the family.

new song!

2009-06-28T11:27:00.000-07:00

changed the blogsong for once.

anyways, just came back from night cycling today. been driving non-stop for nearly 7hrs..blocking traffic with dad's car and irritating the general public. came back home so tired that i slept the entire day away too..:(

sometimes, we all look back on the things that we've done, and its inevitable that we wonder if what would have happened if we chose the other decision, or didn't make one even. the past year has been filled with these many situations, when events didn't turn out as planned, or events ran smoothly beyond our wildest dreams.

in times like these, its always something to remind ourselves: what if it wasn't that way? i guess that's something that forever runs in the background amidst the thoughts surfacing in my head: whenever things are bad and gloomy, it'll always be a fantasy dreaming of what would have happened if it went the other way; whenever i'm glad and happy about things, it always humbles and reminds me of how such happiness should be treasured...after all, who knows what disaster would have awaited on the other side.

the past month has been eventful..and definitely there will be times i'd wish the other pantleg was chosen rather than the current one we're in now. nonetheless, i guess you can't please the whole world when you're doing something; as long as i've done my work diligently to fulfil the proper objectives, i don't care even if the entire world stands against my decisions. Yup, just as long as I have people who believe in me and what i do/did, as long as i am answerable to myself and the people i represent, i wouldn't put past stepping on a few tails and toes of others who don't see eye to eye.

so there. /hmph.

engin camp 09! and getting attached

2009-06-20T06:04:00.000-07:00

hahaa..by power vested into her as the lady henpecking me, the girlfriend (*winks*) has ordered me to update my blog. sooo....hahaa here's my summary of life so far!

recently life has suddenly changed tremendously for me. originally with a hesitant pause in pace when we were wondering what's up after the semester ended, then somehow it became natural for me to follow up on that fluttering that occurs each time we meet up. Slowly as time passed and the number of outings grew beyond one digit, i found myself wondering whether i was falling into the same trap as 3yrs ago...

that was what happened until i realized i ran out of excuses to date her out. so yeap, running with the risk of doing a khengsoon, i guess that...

i'm in love *shudders*

so happily on the 5th june when she went on a route march across town ending at esplanade, the gods favoured me with a once-in-a-million-lifetimes chance that i had to take. barring the awkwardness after that and the hilarious coincidence on the bus when she saw her juniors, i knew life would take a drastic turn at that crossroad of a night. nope, i couldn't sleep, not when the same moment kept on replaying that night...

so life really is a dipping bag of random stuff. you don't know what you're gonna get; just stick with it and you'll find out. sure, you'll be bitten by things you never expected, but sometimes if you're lucky, you'll get saccharine sweets that sweeps you off your feet.

so life still goes on for me, but this time with another wonder keeping me alive in midsts of obstacles and setbacks. of course, that doesn't mean its free. i already know. *and am reminded of constantly* all in all, i still think i'm not used to being treated so...nicely after that 3.55123yr hiatus, but its really something i think i'll treasure much much much more than before...:)

happily with you

2009-06-11T10:40:00.000-07:00

without saying anything much, i'd say i'm really having the time of my life in university. and i don't want things to change any more drastically when the semester starts..

just finished councillors dry run, and it was pretty fun going through all the camp activities. somehow, things are really looking up the way they are progressing!

and just came back from watching ...and i didn't know chick flicks can be as nice =P. Yup..time to go dream! =]

what a night...

2009-06-05T08:06:00.001-07:00

this is an important point in time to remember by in the future. and the day after today, will be even more of a crossroad than i could imagine.

bad mood

2009-06-03T10:47:00.000-07:00

its not often i have mood swings, but this week is really pissing me off to no end. i wake up and theres a million and one things to do, and i go to sleep with a million things left undone. i go to school to do rag, and end up not being even productive enough to help a single thing. if that's the case i might as well stay home and sleep this bloody headache off.

gosh i really am seriously moody now. weak.

GARHHHH. i just want to disappear from all these chains for just one day, just one day. =(
what i would give just be hanging out with you right now..

dream or nightmare

2009-06-02T10:03:00.001-07:00

i wonder how life will end for me by the end of this holidays.

somehow, i don't really know what to do with all the conflicting things people tell me anymore. like previously, i'd love to follow my own path but its also a fool's path if we're not taking the advice of others.

Soo...who do I trust and listen? How am I doing, doing it right or wrong? To carry on doing what I do, or to stop?

I'm so confused and lost from all the sudden influx of inputs from everywhere...guess I really ain't cut out for such stuff...

i really don't know.

2009-05-28T11:09:00.000-07:00

its the eve of exam results, and i'm ambivalent over the release of it. 7 mods of madness and it all culminates to tomorrow at 11am. Yet, it really doesn't feel that big a deal anymore. It doesn't feel important, or as significant as opposed to the other htings happening around me right now.

But yet, i still feel ambivalent..and also unsure of the things that are to come in future. i'd attribute that to fear of the unknown..but so far i've been really having fun in the holidays going out..:) so much so that i am looking forward to the next outing much more than anything else =x

goodness, i'm really losing my head.

Ooooooooooo

2009-05-25T10:38:00.000-07:00

Ooooooooooo moments in life are when you just have to blog it down, when it skips a beat and when you didn't expect to happen. I like that definition. =]

Cheers to the Ooooooooo moments in life!!

weird man all over

2009-05-16T10:37:00.000-07:00

it feels weird, and i don't really know why. i'm just not used to that, and i think i might end up becoming strange all over.

maybe its just the fact that i'm going into a week fully packed with work that i've no more time for myself, that i end up becoming treasuring whatever time left that allows me to be free and do whatever i want..

work work..

oh, anyways, today i was packing up the room *around an hour ago at midnight* when i uncovered the old lockbox that i sealed my past memories away. opened up to see all the huge saccharine overdoses of letters all neatly stacked up, and a few photoframes with yellowing photos in them. wow. i guess i really was quite thin and young and naive back then. things weren't so hectic nor was life so tiring back then..even though obstacles still lay whichever path we trod upon..

maybe i think too much. its the time of the night and the time when theres nothing to do, your laptop's spoilt, and your DS' memory stick is corrupted. there's really nothing left for me to do.

i kinda miss going out already. :(

dream or dun dream

2009-04-23T11:01:00.001-07:00

haa its time to be dreaming in slumberland, but i can hardly afford time to dream about things. talk about double entrendes.

but it was a nice change studying out in town. =]

bored man blogs

2009-04-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

a bored man blogs often.

i'm sitting in my room chair lookin out of the window feeling the breeze while sipping my white coffee....theres a unidentified bird chirping in the distance, and the bright sun is illuminating the entire view (just not me!). talk about a heavenly respite from studying...=]

dreamy exams

2009-04-21T03:18:00.001-07:00

i wonder why, but i seem to be dreaming the same dreams over and over again these few days. *not nights i'm afraid* and i can't study or really focus when i'm dreaming of studying!!

talk about irony. =P

exam emo

2009-04-16T08:26:00.000-07:00

exam's around the corner, like what all blogposts would say now.

and the entire day was spent in the library trying to comprehend corp fin. tomorrow's the exam for my no-exam module, so its kinda sneaky how the profs actually made it up on the module summary list of CORS.

anyways. i'm freaking tired of this semester. tired of mugging, of all the new things that are turning up like weed after the rain. and frankly speaking, i think i'm turning nastier and nastier by the moment. maybe its the cumulative pissed-offness somehow, or just the pent up anger of suffering through a sem of self-imposed hell. either way, i REALLY think my karma's gone into the red.

its quite hilarious sometimes, how being nasty is a first impulse, almost like a reflex reaction to talking. maybe i really should clam up someday. i sarcasm because i love.. =(

ahh well. can't really think too much over all these bullcrap or i'll fall into that trap all over again.

yes i'm still alive

2009-04-05T07:40:00.000-07:00

whew, its almost the end of the sem. and yes, i'm still alive, just barely though.

talk about a rollercoaster sem anyways. Thankfully, my dad's recovering real well now. the past 2 months was spent at home recuperating, and its really nice to see how he's gone on to value the nice little things in life and learnt how to treat mom with abit more care and love than before. *he's used to be the type who doesn't give flowers or even dare to go do romantic stuff...i still remember buying flowers and giving mom saying its dad who asked me to do it!*

so yeap, tomorrow also marks the day he goes back to the office. i've been driving around in his car for these 2 months, and it was a really fun time having wings of my own and being able to go home whenever i want, or drive whoever i want back home. in a sense..it was pretty much a taste of what life would really be outside if we were to leave that cocoon of safety and protection our parents often built for us, since it seems as a symbolic step into mingling in between with adults, as an adult. but hey, tomorrow's back to riding the bus to and fro again! i'll miss the car!

clubwise, things are starting to heat up, with fop coming in real soon. not forgetting we just had open house finish up really nicely, and both of my cousins looking into coming engineering the next year, it'll be a interesting development for the next half year before the next big thing..

and yes, i got into NOC! although they did say its a provisional acceptance, at the very least i know i managed to impress and persuade the interviewers *hilariously the same prof as last time* into letting me the opportunity to explore new horizons in the US! yeap, i'll be gone from next Jan onwards for a year, to study at UPenn and work at BioValley! I'm really looking forward to it though...its definitely going to be the adventure i've always looked forward to, living overseas and striking it out on my own. and of course, please come and visit/tour around the US with me, if you're still reading! =]

so...this sem has been full of new things popping up incessantly, good stuff and bad stuff...but in the end i'm just hoping i can end this semester with a smile on my face, knowing that what i've did so far hasn't been for naught..in terms of academics, club, and of course, the remnants of my social life.

anyways, things don't look so gloomy and depressing these few weeks..and i'm finally mugging effectively again! =]

emo

2009-02-07T20:12:00.000-08:00

sigh.

its been a long time, but i really can't stop tearing when i think about dad going for the open heart op and going thru all that pain.. >__<

well, at the very least, the only consolation i have is that he'll get better after the op, but i'll never stop feeling the heartache when i see his scar across his chest..it'll be a reminder to me of how much i owe my comfortable life to him and how he traded his life just to give me all the things i've taken for granted in mine.

don't you dare

2009-02-04T04:29:00.000-08:00

i'm not done with you, so don't you dare leave.
i hate owing things to people, and you're the one person i owe the world to.
so i say again:
don't leave us yet, cause its just about my turn to return your favours.
you still have many dreams to fulfil, so let me be the one carrying the burden now.
i might chide and i might argue, for i do not see eye to eye,
but that doesn't mean that i dont care, once we reach the end of time.

so don't you dare, i'm begging you.
just take a step back, and smell the flowers.
for this day might be your first time, and i'm pretty sure you'll love it like i always do.

get well soon, dad.

wow, a new post!

2009-01-15T09:05:00.001-08:00

NEW POST NEW POST NEW POST!

Okay, after the inertia to blog after such a long respite, its probably time to update again. After all, it ain't just about writing about emo stuff here, its better to celebrate the fun times rather than lament the bad ones.

I'm in deep shit.

This semester has started with a wonderful holiday during the 1 month break. I'd usually blog about all the happenings during the vacations I've had, but it seems that the impetus to write has been steadily dying down ever since the need for romance has waned. Nonetheless, I've been down to Shanghai for a family vacation, and organized a trip to KL for my beloved 31st MC this December.

Somehow, Shanghai was enjoyable only during the mountainous trekking; we carried our luggages and hiked up Huang Shan, and bunked in at the hotels at the mountain summit and bases. Throughout half the trip I was carrying the luggages of both my dad and my sister, so I probably lost a few cms of height there! Otherwise, Shanghai is a city of sinful food and oily cuisine, and I indulged in both eating and spending down there. The bargaining was fun and eye-opening, as I engaged in a battlefury of slashing prices and sulky faces while walking down the tourist trap streets.

So at the end of the trip to Shanghai, I managed to get myself a polo tee, a new belt, a new leather bag, and several beautiful art pieces which now adorn my walls. I feel accomplished!

------------------------------------------

After the Shanghai trip, I came back to a huge mess of a trip which I had 1week to organize. Thankfully, I had the help of CheeHong, Lawrence and KS whom always came down to help out with both the planning and splitting of work for the MC trip. Without these fellas, I suppose the MC trip to KL would never have been possible, as I was floundering on thin air with no prior knowledge of the town and experience in organizing a trip to a foreign land.

So for this trip, I was in charge of air tickets to and fro, and thankfully, nothing horrible happened *if anything did, its the end of the trip!* I hope everyone had a good time out at KL, because it was a tremendous experience I had in both organizing, leading, and of course, having fun with the MC at such a level which we never had before.

In a sense..during this trip I had vested responsibilities in being the head honcho, and had to take care of the welfare of everyone. That was severely called into question when KS was pickpocketed on the first day, and boy did it put a damper on everyone's plans. I was especially frantic the night before, when everyone stayed over at my house as I was packing events and activities for the days in order for the trip to appear fun and organized. Hahaaa...in retrospect, it was really an eyeopener charging down to Ampang to lodge a police report in Malaysia! Also, I guess it was REALLY DAMN HENG that we purchased insurance on everyone's behalf, we really did put it to full use!

Anyways, MC trip ended on a happy note as everyone managed to buy stuff overthere, or at the very least, ate the omg wonderful cuisine there that's definitely unavailable here in Singapore. Tons of people got sick, but there's the insurance to cover up for them =]

And on a even happier note, I'm really really REALLY glad to see the clubroom so much more bustling and crowded with the MC members this semester, as opposed to the lonely cold room that KS and I mugged in last sem! =]

-------------------------------------------

And finally, the new semester arrives.

I'm in severe deep shit, because of the proud challenge I lain down for myself this semester. Some said that its crazy, and I don't deny that. 7 modules + Engin Club + 9 Labs for a semester seems hardly something Eddie can pull off, but I'll attempt that all the same. Its not something I'm proud of, but I'd really like to see how disciplined I can continue to be in light of such heavy tasks ahead of me.

Perhaps, its prudent to say that my agenda of taking these 7 modules ain't for everyone to look at me under a different light, or for people to put me up on a pedestal for either being the Top Sacrifical Lamb to the School or Most Garang Undergraduate with the least Breaks, but at the very least, it is a self-imposed obstacle that I wish to surpass in order to become even better at time management. That, I proudly proclaim.

And finally, work at Engin Club. FOP's coming up next semester, and theres a multitude of projects coming up this time. Somehow, I can never stop feeling that I'm actually letting Cheehong do most of the work a VP should do, as I've now offloaded Welfare to Weilei * couldn't find a nicer way to put it* I'm only working on Camp and Rag, and I really want these two projects to succeed, regardless of what happens. Perhaps we haven't really gotten to the execution stage, as per what Matthew mentioned earlier, but I'm not very close to either of the committee members yet. Should I be?

Hahaa. of course, there lies the inherent kink we're all familiar with in camp comm too. =P

update

2008-11-16T02:50:00.001-08:00

of all the things that are close to me in life now, or at the very least affect me till it floats around in my subconsciousness

onion knight. thermodie. trauma centre. defects in crystals. ouendan. company law. malaysia. engin club. organic chem.

hahahaa i'm becoming a fat slob of a mugger.

thanks for the music

2008-10-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

while propping my thermodynamics textbook against the laptop at this unearthly hour, everything is deafeningly silent around me except for the music from yman pouring out from my speakers. i don't really know why, but the urge to retrospect burgeons up once more.

I give thanks to many things in life. For all the different events in my long, tragic yet comedic path of life that shaped me to be who I am today, for all the people who've influenced me in all the irritatingly minute ways they have, for all the people whom I've dared to open my heart to and yet pushed me away, for all the mentors who have enlightened me through difficult times, for all the buddies who've stood beside me when I gave in to depression and ruin.

For all these things, I'd really like to thank each and everyone of you. Thank you for shaping me to be who I am now. I might not like it, or even appreciate it, but I believe I will come to feel that way in the future.

To the 30th: Thank you for forming the wonderful family whose company I've enjoyed tremendously in my first year of university life. It really changed me alot, working with you guys. I probably didn't have a proper chance to thank each and everyone of you for the chances I've had in the past year, but I'd like to thank a few people who might not even visit: It's my way of saying thanks

Ethan - Thank you for being such an understanding boss, for being a friend and sharing the anecdotes of life that become the backbone of some things I preach and feel enthused about.

Matthew - For looking after me in times when I fell, for leading me back on the path of rationality when emotions threatened to turn me away from my work. Thank you so much, for being my role model in my work, for being someone whom I'd like to emulate and become in stature.

Yman - We've been through alot of shit together in the past year, ranging from love problems to just staying back in clubroom to study or even play games. I really, really had alot of fun hanging out with you. You've been a wonderful guy to hang out with, and I am amazed that we can remain so true to each other regardless of how hilariously cock you can be. It takes a certain character to be able to relate to people like how you do, and I am thankful for your infectious pride in your work, for that is something I'd really came to appreciate and treasure.

To my fellow buddies: Thank you so much for hanging back with me when I get irritatingly gloomy, for constantly listening in to me and repeating by rote all the advice when I turn emo. I really wouldn't have survived the mind-boggling nights wondering the consequences of each decision without you guys keeping me company.

Khengsoon, Wenhao, Kinloong - You guys have been with me throughout the entire year, seeing me through comedic tragedies and formative experiences all the same. I've had tons and tons of complaints, and you guys never gave up listening. I'm glad for you guys to be here with me now, and even treasure the times we share now as fellow bachelors in trouble. With regard to our plans to get attached, I still am baffled at how retardedness can surface amidst such sound plans and unbelievable odds to ruin things, but thank you for all your help and assistance all the same. Thank you for keeping me sane, thank you for helping me with my work, be it club-wise or academic-wise. Thank you, for sticking with me and joining me at my work. For all these things, I'm really glad we're buddies.

Van - Throughout the previous year, I've consistently wandered about, finding my proper aim and direction. I could never put my finger on it, and strayed many a time until its almost exasperating. Thank you, for being there for me when I needed a listening ear, and thank you for the wonderful times I've enjoyed in your company. Thank you, for never turning me down and back whenever I've imposed on you, and thank you for helping me improve whenever I've faulted, for teaching me the things that I've came to grasp right now. Thank you, for being someone I can count on to be there even when we don't speak at times, and thank you for being someone I can trust in this crazy world. Most importantly, thank you, for making life in university so special, so much more interesting.

Vincent - Thank you so much, for all the times we've shared at coffeeshops discussing life and philosophies in general. Thank you for sharing all the mentalities and thoughts on issues, for teaching me how to analyse matters and relationships, for being someone whom I can pour my heart out to. Thank you for being so wonderfully receptive of my negative nature, for being my cushion when I fell badly. Thank you, for being my sanity check when I came near to the edge, for letting me put my thoughts to words whenever I have something lodged in my heart. Most of all, thank you, for making my first year in university so different from others'.

My life in university so far has been a thoroughly rocky path, for I've deviated from my work more than once. To these select few who've influenced my life in their unknowingly endearing ways, I thank you for your earnest acceptance of my presence. Thank you, for enduring the irritating times when I could not remain rational, for allowing me to learn the valuable lessons in life and giving me a better understanding of myself and the opposite gender. Thank you, for allowing me to become who I am now, for letting me appreciate the things in life that I've came to neglect in my emotion-ravaged states. Thank you, for bearing the brunt of the worst of me to allow me to improve myself.

This is a seemingly random post, and the focus runs as the post becomes longer and longer. There's alot of people I'd like to thank, but these are the select few who've inspired, and affected me thoroughly in my university life. Looking back, I've exhibited the most change from JC and Army to Uni, and I am grateful for every damned thing that I've undergone to mold me to become who I am now. It is not the post that I hold, but the work that I do, and the influence I am able to exert now that keeps me in awe of how much I've changed from being an apathetic boy. I'd like to do my best now, for this is what I truly believe to be the best use of my time. It's what I'd like to do, and now I want to do it to the best of my capabilities.

Now, its back to work. Thank you, for reading.

i really do!

2008-10-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

it all came back to me when her friend told me it was a bad idea; frankly, I was looking to forget the matter and move on with work. Studies and responsibilities are all kicking in, and its really time for these other affairs to take a back seat. Well, not until tonight when I got reminded of the horrible retarded mistake that I did back then..

i probably mentioned it before; the worst nightmare I can ever have, is to fail in an attempt of romance and yet be discussed as a horror or comedy story in front of the said girl's friends. its crushing, and i frankly couldn't imagine how it would feel like. perhaps, now it does hit hard, especially when i'm holding office doing something where the person in power has to be invincible and virtually no chinks in his armour.

So...like i said, i'm really tired and hideously disgusted with that pathetic mistake. in fact, i HONESTLY didn't know what came over my mind back then, it really was the worst way to tell someone the truth about how you feel, but what's done is done; i'll move on, and watch my step from here on out..

yeap, my work affects the lives of others, and i'm definitely going to do it right. not for myself, but for the people i pledged to help and assist, to the population i've grown to regard as both friends and charges.

for that, i'll wear that shell of invulnerability..and for that, all else shall have to wait...

I aspire..

2008-10-16T10:28:00.000-07:00

I remember in the olden days of yore, back down when we wore khaki shorts and brass buttons on our uniforms, there were a few seniors who returned to school to give talks about life in university, and other aspects of life outside books. They spoke so confidently up on stage, in front of several originally uninterested students, and before I even knew it, I was captivated by their speeches. It felt so inspiring, so much so that I really wanted to be one of these cool guys who could so easily spark off the dreams of others with just mere words and their contained enthusiasm.

And looking back the previous year of activities in university, I sincerely hope that I've gathered sufficient experience and clout to be able to do so. Maybe not on such a grand scale of things, but I would really like to have grown to an extent when I no longer am the quiet, shy guy trying in a corner.

Somehow, I'd really like to be able to influence the lives of people around me. Not necessarily in a direct way, but at the very least, I hope the people I talk to either during Recruitment Drive, or even my directors can draw any minute amount of aspiration to stand out and be heard; to be enthused in their daily work and be encouraged in surmounting any obstacles they might come across in life.

Perhaps, its somewhat a very arrogant dream, but being a student leader for a year, I've grown to lead a life full of interaction and big words. Maybe, somewhere deep down, I'm looking to become one of those people on the stage, to be the one to spark off others' dreams to explore their potential. Maybe, I'd like to be motivational to people.

Wow. I wonder if that is an ambitious aspiration, or I'm just plain dreaming again.

work > love

2008-10-07T01:39:00.000-07:00

its so cute, how circumstances change and how volatile one can feel towards someone else. i don't really know either, but i think i'm bordering on cynicism towards such things already. i'm really tired of all the bullcrap that's gone wrong for the past few weeks, and even more so about being the one forever trying to salvage matters. it takes 2 hands to clap, and no matter how anyone can put it being our responsibility to see things through whether or not it succeeds, i'm sick of being the one giving everything.

so, seriously, i know its wrong to just disappear, but right now, i really can't be bothered anymore. looks like i'm going to stay bachelor for a very long time, and i don't care what others say about stuff either.

i'm going to focus on my work for now.

happy birthday to me!

2008-09-30T07:07:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who remembered!!

Goodness, it was really unexpected for all the people around me to remember. Especially when I was half wanting it to just go peacefully and without any polings. Not that I got any either, but I kinda wanted my day to just be quiet as I bumble along.

Hahaa..but each and every one of you made it wonderful in every unexpected way!

Thanks to..

kl sebas yanling ryanlee tony shuyi tengjin evan tingliang xinxian shuhui veronica iggy clement alvinlim mingli derek lihui hansheng yongdai wenhao nelson greg michellelin qinqin yefan shong alanpoh jaymie tianhan yx seok sherlene yuren eugenechia gwen chunping ernest leo shiyao weiyan christina shauntan khai mq
yuanting michgoh yida tiffy sara edison usha hasan wenhui brenda fiona van michong ks yiuyan melgan louelle yiling 3rdaunt peifen eugeneteo fiona ram tham edna
kahhui shengqi sq edmund wendy zicheng weilei yibo sumin xinyu vincent prisMSE, alex, chiyuan, dicky, jiamein, yvonne, davidciti, clarence, jiesong, cheehong, shimon!!

sheesh. what a mouthful. i hope i did'nt miss anyone out!

Oh. Van got me this really nice watch!! hahaa yay, at the very least, i've something new to wear as bling le! Thanks alot!! XD

as for the nice card the power rangers got me, hahaa its sitting propped up on my table right now..tho i'd wish louelle din draw that heart there...its totally useless and redundant le..

22nd alr..

2008-09-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

sigh. now i'm officially 5mins into my 22nd yr of life.

didn't get my silver after all for IPPT. and i almost forgot its my birthday until mel/van/kinloong sms/msn/facebooked me on the dot. Thanks alot!! =]

Ahh well. its the midterm exams, shan't be celebrating it this year...jiayous everyone!~

sigh..and my birthday wish for this year wld be..?

wow. a post!

2008-09-15T02:33:00.001-07:00

after a long hiatus, I guess its probably my responsibility to post something up..

Anyways, have you ever watched Friends? It feels so nice to indulge into their world of quick wit and blonde humour, to know them inside out and see them manifest within your very own social circle. Somehow I've been hooked on to catching it every night, and things haven't been going on well I suppose.

Okay, so here's the stick. I'm pretty lost about where to go now. There's work to be settled in front of me, and I really want to make sure my term in office is a successful one. I'm feeling pretty excited seeing the new MC being setup, but at the same time, there's this niggling feeling tugging down in the brain department, something that doesn't let up no matter how hard I try to focus. I think you guys reading probably would have guessed, looking at ks or wenhao's entries, but I'm pretty much lost in which direction I should head..

Alright, I'll be frank here; I'm not really 100% sure what I'm going through. I don't know whether I should even dare considering it, but I've already asked her out, and the wheels have started rolling..I'm just worried whether its validated that I'm really open to starting a fresh new chapter to uni life, or opening a can of worms. Its just so....Chandlerish! I'm constantly floating between being good friends to wanting to attempt something more, and to this aspect, I suppose ks is really someone with tons of guts to put everything on the line when he risked telling her his feelings..perhaps I'm really a coward after all! >__<
i hope she's gonna be okay..
I wonder what's going to happen..will life ever be the same if I do go ahead? Oh well..a whole can of worms is soon to be opened...

by your side

2008-07-28T03:24:00.000-07:00

身边

坐在你的身边是种满足的体验
看你看的画面,过你过的时间
天也晴了花也开了微风也沉醉
虽然你不说话,却也早已万语千言

分分秒秒显得清澈又珍贵
只有你才能给我这种感觉
不管心多疲倦,梦想还有多远
有你陪伴一切都无所谓

我要陪你擦拭每个昨天
相片日记书签,有暖意慢慢浮现
我要用默默的体贴,让你睁开双眼
看见昨夜梦想都实现

我也愿意帮你打扫房间
把身体好好锻炼,好让你觉得安全
让你记得我的优点
无论任何时间,对我非常想念
非常想念

我也愿意帮你打扫房间
把牌技好好演练,陪你母亲打八圈
为你写下盈泪诗篇,感觉就像触电
才会对我想念
非常想念

我也愿意帮你打扫房间
帮你的爸爸戒烟,帮你兄弟姐妹买早点
让你时刻觉得很炫,生活过得很休闲
对我非常想念
非常想念

random update

2008-07-23T19:50:00.001-07:00

wow, this week's been hectic meeting people and finishing up things i'm supposed to do. last saturday Oyster had their potluck down outside clubroom, and nearly everybody turned up! it's quite heartening to see everyone settle down and talk crap, both Naga and Oyster. I suppose its' been one year already, and I'm glad Naga's my OG when I first stepped into NUS! Hahaa..can't imagine how life would have been without these buddies to tide the rough times out with me...for that i'm really grateful!

And now, Oyster's here as my group of cute freshies. Yeap, there's no comparison between Hydra and Oyster, cause it'll be comparing apples and oranges. However, Oyster's still my very first OG worth of freshies, and for that, I can only hope they stay as bonded together as Naga had throughout the entire school term!

That aside, the whole week's been spent running to badminton gatherings with JC classmates, and Hydra councillors, then off to dinner appointments with the gang down at cineleisure. Hectic, really, and I haven't really had much time for a proper breather this entire week. Had MC meeting on the night of Leo's and Felicia's birthday, so I missed out on the dinner celebrations! Rarrrh...worst of all, the MC brought DURIANS and walnut CHEESECAKE for the meeting. talk about a double-whammy on the noggin. it was all i could do to keep from gagging in the tutorial room all the way until the meeting ended! >__<

Anyways, spent the entire day out helping Oweek with the money collection at Cityhall Starbucks again. Wrote out over 100+ receipts for guys, and I swear I'd never want to see another sausage for the rest of the week. We closed shop at 5pm, which was around that time when khengsoon called me if I was interested in Chris Daughtry's concert. o__O

Okay, first things first, I've never heard a single song of his, and neither do I profess to be his fan. But hey, a free ticket's a free ticket! Too bad wenhao was still napping when we called him, else it'll be another bachelor's night out. So happened that weihui had 22 free tickets since she worked at singtel and there were spares, so she called her friends out, and their friends called their friends out, and it was one huge gang of networking to be done. Of course, antisocial me just hid one corner with khengsoon.

Okay, perhaps interacted abit with those ppl we knew. Michelle Goh and her gang of friends from arts were around, though I can't remember their names, except for one 1.73m Cheryl and a Seok Lin. Shiyao frm engin was around too, and it was probably the first time I've spoken to him properly even though "properly" wouldn't constitute shouting into each other's ear at a club/pub/concert! Nevertheless, I still think the pre-daughtry bands were way better, or at the very least, I enjoyed their songs better than his!

Finally, on a side note, i'd just want to say again that if I knew you liked him, I'd probably gotten tickets for you too..

oh well. back to Friends.

life so far

2008-07-19T09:39:00.000-07:00

life so far...its' been good. maybe that's why i haven't been blogging much. the impetus to complain ain't around, even the label tag "emo" doesn't really stick as hard. i've gotten my hair dyed again, cut a respectable looking hairstyle, joined 6 camps so far, and things have been great going out with my fellow buddies for nearly all of these camps.

the previous month has been hectic..and probably loads of things have been changing from the recent past. interesting news coming from chewy and robin about the ex, the forging of new friendships with the freshies coming in, and the strengthening of old bonds with khengsoon, kinloong, wenhao, and all of the others from the past. life's just been cruising along, and i don't want the next obstacle to knock me down as badly as before.

life's great. maybe something did stick in after all the internship talks.

even with how new things keep on popping up, there's always something to look forward to, to pick up the paces, to chisel away at. time to keep the momentum moving..its rag and oweek from now on, before life truly ends as the 30th. it's been one helluva ride...

omg we're back again

2008-07-05T11:32:00.000-07:00

omg, i'm back again! :)

hahaa..just came back from tham's house. we cooked roast chicken, miso soup, and loads of other stuff for dinner! and the best thing is...it tasted REALLY good! in fact, the dinner was fantastic for the money we paid...next time i'm gonna try that out myself..=]

ANYWAYS, i just came back from CAC camp, and I really enjoyed myself out there...more than I ever imagined myself to in fact! Maybe its cause I don't need to be fulfilling key duties out at CAC, just being a councillor for the entire camp was so liberating! Spent all my time with my cutest batch of freshies who never ceased to amaze me with their craziness..and hung out with all the cool people from Engin who came down as crashies! Hahaha...let's hope this account of the camp will be more entertaining than before!

CAC Camp Day 0
This night was spent on administrative matters. Of course, it was also the night when Euro 08 Final was broadcast to the world on Starhub Preview Channel. Being trapped in school, we proceeded down to FongSeng to buy our supplies for the game *a.k.a beer and food*, had our dinner at the chinese restaurant *bloody damned mala noodles had me going till day2*, and camped overnight at engin clubroom. Tony, KS, Kenneth, Wenhao and me set up the laptops with our giant speaker ready for the game to be streamed online, but the streaming was seriously choppy, and we promptly fell asleep with my beer 3/4 unfinished. Ohwell. Time for camp!

CAC Camp Day 1

I can still remember KinLoong telling me that he managed to get the 2 girls we ticked off from our Engin Camp Open House list. Yup, those 2 that me and Yiuyan talked to and promptly descended into low morale cause they said they weren't coming. Wahahaha...by a turn of fate and sweet talking by KL, they appeared first just when we were having breakfast at Arts Canteen! Hurrah! Peifen joined us as well, but left with KS, Tony and Sara to crash someone's lecture *not to forget to help him fulfil his mission of the day* I was left in the shoes of Samuel from previous year, playing the exact same games to break the ice. Thankfully, these freshies are bred n' trained to be playing in camps...I think I learnt more games from them than they from me!!

these girls just know where to pose for the camera!hydra guys - still playing og games when blindfolded!

We ended the night with Mysterious Journey, lobbing starch down at the freshies till they became paranoid of any councillor. Notably, Xuelin n' Yuanting went hysterical once the starch came pouring down their hands; they just called out "Jiaomao/Xiongmao!!" until they found each other, and started running in circles till they reached the edge of the field. Priceless! I'm pretty sure they have homing devices linked on them or something..and it was such a chore trying to get them join back the OG when they were running like headless chickens half a field away, that I had to shepherd them back by only revealing my presence in the opposite direction so as to scare them in the right way >__< Day 2 Today was Wargames, Cluedo, SP, and Movie Night! We woke up early to move down to SRC that day..conveniently skipping lunch to style our hair and started the day camwhoring even during our no-holds-barred wargames. Quite funny to see the entire OG freeze in its tracks just to pose for a picture when all hell breaks loose around them. Rather uneventful other than the fostering of camwhoreness in Hydra, I'll add. Cluedo was when the Hydra Councillors Team 2 took over, as KS, Wenhao, and a whole bunch of us concussed from the lack of sleep. We did attempt to watch Euro, remember? Most of us retired back to the men's bunk for a game of Bang!, with George being the top frag and Peifen being the most easily fragged *seriously....5 bangs in the first turn?* Poor girl can't even last 3 rounds in the game, opting to go suicide than anything else. Leo the Renegade turned Outlaw the last second as he shot the Sheriff till he was left with 1 health, earning the MCP Award. *Most Cock Player, if you're wondering* It was then when SP was about to proceed. The entire Team 1 was mobilized for the Movie Night Station, and Team 2 promptly took over. Peifen left for rag practice, but was happily conscripted into service with Khai when she returned. Leo and Greg and Yiwei continued taking unglam videos of our freshies as we decorated our station with various effects. Oooo. The night truly began. The first half had me walking up and down the tunnel to our station in Engineering, while engaging each pair of freshies in conversation, fake-complaining about all the logistics to be carried upstairs. Quite a few managed to see through the act, but the faces of those who really thought they were going to shift some boxes...memorable! *evil laughter* YUANTING! all thanks to that you've become my favourite lovable freshie le!!! Its really self-imploding when you're suppressing laughter while trying to sound evil and scary! I'm gonna miss ya when you move out to NTU! :'( *at time of writing, something interesting is going on with regard to person we're talkin about* Day 3 Okay, day3 was relax. We went down to Bukit Timah and after that, Cineleisure for our external hunt. Unfortunately, we kind of gave up halfway and proceeded with our own OG activities - playing pool, playing Team Fortress 2, and Nintendo Wii!!! It was quite enjoyable though antisocial, but heck, who cares :P on the way back we were telling cold jokes until the main group alighted at buona vista, while I returned home to get my camera. Relaxing night, I guess; the OG spent the night away teaching everyone their mass dance, so us councillors had little to do. The nasi lemak at fongseng rocked when topped off with Asahi beer!!

-----------------Was supposed to continue and end off the recount a few days after, but now its almost a week after CAC camp, and i'm bloody tired. let's just end this and move on :P

Post-Camp

2008-06-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

Its finally over! Engin Camp '08 had its final closing moments on the night of 19th June 2008, and with that ended the long struggle to maintain afloat of all administrative matters ever since February. I guess things could go on "half-glass empty" if we do a after-camp review, but judging from the response throughout the camp, I'm really glad we managed to pull it off even with all the last minute hiccups along the way. =]

Faithful to the tradition of a day-by-day recount of what happened during the camp, I'll try my best to keep it interesting for the memories to come..

Day 0
We arrived early at noon on Sunday to help prepare for the camp itself, but I ended up staring at the laptop, trying to work a nominal roll out. After all, throughout the camp I've always been the contact-person in case of any trouble/saikang/finance. I can't really remember much, but we pretty damned sat in clubroom and settled all the logistics issues and equipment before camp really commenced. Shifted out to LT7a for bedtime after a sneaky shower at RH, shared sleeping bags with KhengSoon. Boring day so far, I guess.

Day 1
Might I add: I was horribly and terrigibly sad that I had zero interaction with my adopted OG that day. Was standing at the registration booth and settling/counting money all the way throughout the afternoon, by then the war games had concluded. When night time came and people were settling in for mass-dance, I was down settling Camp T-shirts with Pearl n' Siewmun's help at RH dining hall, as well as churning out an updated freshie and councillor list so as to facilitate collection of camp fees the next day. After that we had the executive meeting about the next day, when I had to wake up at 6am to move out to Sentosa. Had a date with Yusof Ishak in my RH room later on, trying to find out why I always managed to find extra money in my cashbox.

Day 2
Sentosa! Early morning 6am I woke up and drove Mingquan's Volvo down to sentosa. Every time I wanted to switch lanes, I ended up pressing the windscreen wiper though, cause his Volvo's an Intercontinental car; the left and right handles were alternate in function. Although I wasn't a game station master again this time round, at the very least I managed to say hi to my OG at the beach that day. After all, its the day when all the Ha-Ha cards were given out for assassination contracts on everyone. I wielded pretty powerful cards this time round, holding a King, a Queen n' a Wild Card of my own face. =P Profoundly enough, some idiot just didn't like me very much, cause I landed up in the sea and was subsequently buried and heavily sand-crafted into beings of immense biological proportions. Worse of all, just after that said attempt on my pride came another similar attack, leaving me pantless and flabbergasted in the sea. Ohwell, I guess I can't complain, I managed to know a few of my OG freshies this way.

Sadly, upon getting wet, I somehow lost most of my Ha-Ha cards to the sea. DAMN!

After beach games I had to wash down and drive back to school to settle even more last minute stuff with KRH, before driving to Sheng Shiong to buy food for my barbecue. All in all, that day was the day when my licence was put into severe usage...my autocar handling skills at the very least.

Day 3
I can't really categorize the activity between Day2 or 3, because I spent the latter of the night after BBQ to count my money up to 5am in my room. Luckily I rigged up the ol' laptop to be my jukebox throughout the night, so it wasn't so bad staying up alone in my room amidst all the cash. Anyways, by the time I woke up, I was late for poolgames, and frankly, in neither shape to join in the fun. Too bad...heard from the freshies later on that it was quite spectacular.

Anyways, I headed down to LT3 for sponsorship talks afterwards, and was tasked to be the transport IC for our movie night. It was then when most freshies got to know me, although they knew me as "the crazy bugger driving the van" rather than my name. I swear, its cause of the horrible clutch-gear system of the van that I have to ram the accelerator everytime I move off from the slope with a full-load of freshies in the back.

Still, I accompanied my OG, Oyster, down to the movie location where all the acting happened. Was glad to finally have the opportunity to hang out with my gang of freshies...somehow felt pretty fatherly just looking after their welfare though. Hope this doesn't last, I ain't wana feel fatherly at a tender age of 22!

Concluded our movie night late at 3-4am, and moved our log equipment back to clubroom after that. Felt like I've never slept in ages, managed to concuss after bathing at 5am again.

Day 4
Woke up at 10 for a change, but the highlight of the day was the finale! Mingquan did a good job emcee-ing the event, and we had our crazy finale special performance by the band which really brightened up the mood. Mostly it was the camp comm zi-highing, but the entire camp managed to catch the fever, so it was really fun! We even threw Khengsoon all around, even up the stage for a certain performance for a certain girl ;) After the event was a round of photo-whoring which didn't seem to end..and yay, I just went around taking photos with every eyecandy I managed to scout out during my limited time with the councillors and freshies XP

Without running the risk of sounding too humsup, I hereby conclude MOST of the events for Engin Camp 08. There's more photos to be seen from facebook, though I admit, this camp I wasn't very much found in any photo cause I'm stuck in clubroom/my room counting coins/pennies/notes. Ohwell, that's my job anyways >__<

engin camp!

2008-06-14T08:15:00.001-07:00

alright, its day0 of engin camp, time to start disappearing off the face of the earth.

i'll see you guys when i get back...engin camp jiayou!

2008-06-08T11:25:00.000-07:00

taken from xkcd.com

Hahaa!! its funny how 99% of us guys love a crazy girl. :P

fun day out!!

2008-06-07T10:09:00.000-07:00

today was fun! =]

went down to pre-camp briefing today, with a seriously deflated morale as the camp currently boasts a horrid gender ratio reflective of our engineering roots. Furthermore, I was rejected my plea to borrow the car for the night, as we had MC gathering at Lionel's house later on. Sigh. Oh well, I ended up late and getting scolded by Pearl again >__<

Settled the administrative issues that forever plagued the committee in and out, and later on went to join the games. THANKFULLY the people there didn't look too sian of the lack of ladies. George made a pretty damned good effort in entertaining/scaring the freshies with his enthusiastic beatings of his neighbours at all the OG games. Yikes.

Anyways, after lunch I retreated down to clubroom to take a snooze...which ended up a nap and slowly morphed into deep sleep. By the time I woke up, the committee had went off to do their filming *which I guess I wasn't in any state to participate in, with bed-hair and all*. Ended up playing Mahjong with Ethan, Ryan, and Nat with minitiles. Hahaa..to date, I can finally, and proudly proclaim that all my wishes and dreams with the MC has been fulfilled, as we have finally played mahjong in our clubroom! Hurrah!~ I can ORD in peace!

Later on, when filming was over, the bunch of us took 2 taxis down to Hougang for our MC Popiah session! Hahaa..its a wonder with Lionel being around, that we have all these wonderful gatherings possible! Everyone sat around the table, had a slice of popiah skin on it, and started their DIY Popiahs...and before long we had people like Siewmun and Yman comparing who made the most professional popiah. I didn't really bother, I just kept on ingesting my garlic-laden blob. It tasted good, so why bother? *I guess I'll make a horrible cook*

Hahaa..after that we settled down for mass games. Ethan introduced us to this really cool Taboo-Charade game that had everyone dying with laughter! Firstly everyone had to write down a noun on 5 separate pieces of paper, and fold it, before keeping it in a container. We split into 2 teams, and had to guess the words on the paper for our team when our teammates were either Taboo-ing or Charade-ing the words out. Frankly, its hilarious when you realize more than one person wrote "Sex" on their 5 pieces of paper. Ethan became the pointing-figure when things like "Lee Kuan Yew", or "Hillary Clinton" got called out, for no reason Junqiang was describing my word *Cock* by saying "Matthew is a...."?

And inside jokes all came in throughout the entire session. We had nouns like "Roti Prata" associated with Sebas, nouns like "Matthew's Girlfriend" popping up even as one of the names. We can safely deduce which bugger wrote those words, but we'll all leave it at that =]

Hahaa, and of course, can't forget how we charaded out "Amy Leo"! She probably would have turned in her grave. =p Oh wells, it really was a good break out with the entire MC from the long hiatus at work..especially with so many projects coming up!

Engin Club, jiayou!!

lapse

2008-06-06T08:38:00.001-07:00

had a huge lapse this week, been busy day and night :(

right now i'm in the middle of a huge bout of...sianness. i don't know why, but i felt really lethargic in the morning, and had the runs in the afternoon. now i feel bloated and i can't eat dinner. all in all...i feel really sick. :(

apologies to everyone who appeared on the receiving end of my mid-day daoness though, i just fell asleep and never woke up, it seems. anyways, theres pre-camp briefing tmr *PCB for short, i don't know which guy coined that abbreviation.* so I guess its another early awakening even for a weekend.

Frightnight came on last night; drove down to be their main vehicle boy down at Kent Ridge House 1. The entire hill was muddy like mad, by the time I finished my ferrying of equipment and people, my wheels were coated with a thick layer of soil. I guess i better be prepared to do the next carwash :( anyways, mingquan had 4 friends from KR to come visit the house for a run, 2 engin guys whom I remember pretty well, and I think the other 2 girls are from science. looked way too familiar but can't put my thumb on where I've seen them running around. Hahaa, anyways, the girls literally ran around in fright during the run, though half the time its cause their guy partner pangseh-ed them or scared them themselves :P

anyways, the run was freaky, had the creeps down my neck all the while when i was trekking through the house. >__<

you very lucky

2008-06-04T09:54:00.000-07:00

while rushing down to GE today for lessons cause of a severe headache upon waking, i was kinda listening to mp3s when suddenly an indian man walked up to me with a megawatt smile on his face.

"you very lucky man!"

thinking that it was simply just a mistaken identity or someone who's on crack, i kept on walking, but he stopped me in my tracks when we were within 2m from each other.

"you very lucky man, there's 2 chinese girls who like you this year! you will not earn alot of money, but will be happy man!"

goodness, now there's people telling me that my potential's restricted by the look on my face. other than the sublime fact that i had bed hair and a horribly grumpy face to boot, he was predicting my future just by a look at my pyjamas-like business clothes and general outlook. interesting.

"i'm mr. yogi. perhaps we could sit down and i could help tell you your fortune?"

ahh, so there came the catchphrase. i was wondering how much it would cost, but that went on at the back of my head as i was more concerned about being late for my "Dress for Success" workshop. definitely not glam to appear late with messed up clothes for a image workshop! nonetheless, this man managed to perk up a morning i would otherwise spend guzzling coffee...that encounter was entertaining to say the least. :p

=======================================

Anyways, down at the training room, this lady was saying how she could read anybody through a handshake. Of course, with me being the late boy (i slept at 4am!), I was asked to sit right smack in front, and being in front in an image workshop meant there were plenty of opportunities to be the :

a) mannequin
b) test subject
c) negative example

so she came up to me, while I was still drinking the Starbucks Mocha I swiped on my way to work. And we shook hands. Suddenly she spoke up,

"This guy is probably quite shy. Introverted, takes time to open up."

Gawd. If i weren't an introvert, I would have bloody well became one after what she said! But still, I suppose its pretty correct in a few ways, and it was disconcerting to have your fortunes and your inner personalities laid bare twice in a day within an hour. What an interesting day after all, when people tell you what you are.

i wonder who those 2 ladies are, by the way :P

strength to carry on

2008-06-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

tired :(

been working all the way from morning to night, and the cycle goes on without a chance to rest. once i reach home theres camp stuff to complete, admin to followup on. i'm really really really tired :( but urgh, gotta see this through. eddie eddie eddie...can't let this mess you up since you're the one who asked for it!

engincamp, jiayou!

quizzy

2008-05-30T04:50:00.001-07:00

quizzy mood today. just got my results right after returning from the workshop, and somehow felt numb. its almost as expected. and i feel disappointed at that.

1. What age do you wish to marry ?
- 26-28?

2. What you want the most right now ?
- time, energy, peace, happiness, success, cash. i'm greedy.

3. What do you want to be in your next life ?
- someone more capable at helping others =]

4. Something to describe yourself
- think-too-much, emo, boring. the list goes on.

5. If you can have 1 more dream to come true , what would it be ?
- relive the days from kindergarden again

6. What are you afraid to lose now ?
- my closest friends and family...

7. Do you believe in ETERNAL love?
- no.

8. If you meet someone that you love , would you confess to him/her ?
- ...probably not anymore.

9. How would you spend 200 bucks ?
- i don't really indulge, but i'll prolly spend it on food or movies. if not, it'll be something severely expensive, like a new bag or highlighting my hair.

10 . What are the requirement(s) that you yearn from the other half ?
- someone who'll support me when i'm down, who'll accept me for who i am, perhaps?

11.Which type of person you hate most ?
- backstabbing politicians.

12. So you cherish every of your friendship ?
- i'd never let my closest friends disappear if thats what you're saying..

13. Do you believe in God ?
- believing in a higher being looking..it allows me conscience not to hate myself too much.

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life ?
- i really don't know at this juncture. it probably will be career, but there's just something lacking..

15. Do you find it a need for you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend ?
- after everything, no.

16. What do you want your friends to be like ?
- people who'll cheer me up, keep me afloat, bear with me when i'm grumpy and never leave me for the dumps :)

17. What are the things that i will think of ?
- now? engin camp, money matters, and friends i wish i had time to ask out.

18. What is your favourite hobby ?
- i don't even play games now. probably piano and guitar?

19. If you’re feeling low one day , who will you go to ?
- vincent for a fishing trip, nat n' yman for a kbox session, alex n' kh for booze, robin for mahjong. of course, there's sara, to turn to when i need to rant..

20. Who are the ones that you really care for ?
- my closest friends, my family, my MC, my loved ones.

here's another from my sis's webby =p

1. Name one person who always texts you.
mm sara? its all about camp stuff, don't worry :P

2. Do you think some people are born stupid?
disadvantaged, yes. stupidity is trained into people. and yes, i can be stupid too.

3. Name one negative thing about you?
emo. 'nuff said.

4. Status?
Online.

5 . What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
stoning at msn. T_T

6. Sport you wanted to learn?
there's tons! perhaps master basketball?*though i'll break my spine again*. or master bowling?

7. Ever tried gymnastics?
not in your bloody life.

8. What was the last thing you bought?
kimage style card. i had a haircut, remember? :)

9. Do you talk a lot?
only to the ppl i truly open up to.

10. Do you believe that love is blind?
tried, tested, proven.

11. Where is your sister?
napping on the bed.

12. How was your day yesterday?
boring. i was at work.

13. What is the last ice cream flavor you had?
thats aeons ago...tarturfor?

14 . Are you an optimistic one?
i try to be, but i get knocked down. *tubthumping!*

15 . People describe you as….
emo. worrywart. loser.

16. Contented in life?
no. i know theres more to be squeezed out of this.

17. What was the last thing you bought?
leisurewise, its a haircut. otherwise, its just lunch.

18. Are you happy with the love of your life?
quite thankfully, i don't have one now. no, really, i prefer it this way.

19. Do you skip meals?
no. its just that my meals can be delayed 5hrs due to irregular sleep patterns. oh, and i have a minute appetite, i don't know why.

20. Do you consider yourself smart?
my grades tell me so, but i know there's even crazier people out there.

21. What color is your gate?
white, tinged with red.

22. Reason for living?
to make a difference to the people around me, to the people i care for, and to the people who are in need of care. of course, to leave something fitting when i leave this mortal coil..

23 . Are you typically a jolly person?
no, i can be very morbid and cynical. i just act jolly for the sake of others.

24 . Name one enemy of yours:
my inner self. think roxas and sora.

25. Name one close girl friend:
..i don't know anymore.

26. Now, who’s the first person in your mind?
hahaa i'd love to lie about this question. let's change this: what's the first thing on my mind: i'm thinking about my next step from here on out regarding some stuff.

27. What did the last text message you received say?
Dad's HP - Result out?

28. Do you go to the gym?
used to, not anymore.

29. Song playing at the moment:
its all peaceful to the ear now.

30. How do you cope with stress?
i don't. i get plagued with migraine.

31. Ever broken someone’s heart?
..yes

32. What makes you happy?
breaking someone's heart.

..okay, joke in bad taste. being needed, and appreciated by others, perhaps.

33. What is the last thing you said aloud?
*sigh*

34. How much is your tuition fee?
nil. i tutor myself at my own expense.

36. Last person you texted? About what?
Ya...my CAP *.** - to dad.

37. Last thing you ate?
Dinner - fish and i forgot what.

38. Ever made someone cry?
...yes, and i don't ever want to do it again. :(

40. Favorite song when you’re drunk?
hear me sing! *ouch*

and talk about delving into one's inner psyche. hahaa..i think i've taken to being a micromouse on a hazy algorithm. i smack on the wall, turn 360 degrees, and proceed smacking into the wall again, trying to reach my goals. however long i take to turn, i still end up hitting the wall until the battery runs out or the competition is over. really, it seems that university's the school of hard knocks. i definitely changed alot in sem1 when i first came in, and i liked how things went. but right now into the 2nd semester, it feels as if i've turned a shade uglier in person, more selfish in character, and less sensitive than before. i don't like this one bit, really.

i guess we all need our personal space to retract into sometimes. for over 5years, mine's gone onto an exhibitionist strike and went global through the internet. but hey, i've never bothered writing a diary. i like being able to edit my posts.

then again, isn't life all about drawing without an eraser?

..i'd just want to do things such that i won't regret them later in life. thats why i try so hard.

image raze

2008-05-29T04:10:00.000-07:00

i cut my hair today! :P

hahaa shit, this sounds damn retarded, but i got sick of being shaggy at the workplace, so immediately after work i called up kimage for an appointment and headed down to jurong east without a single clue of where the salon was. felt damn suaku la, but i guess its okay to pamper oneself once in a while!

so yeap, apparently there's a damned reason why my hair always flattens out at the back everytime...i've been cutting it wrong for 20 years!! blearrgh. now it finally follows a contour..and after stepping out i kinda felt light-headed...literally. no longer plagued by messy hair!

now its just up to an image raze 3weeks later...*wink*

sausagefest

2008-05-28T10:43:00.001-07:00

just came back from an exhausting day out. been in the office since 7am in the morning, and sat at the laptop trying to keep myself awake desperately for 9 hours. Seriously, its THAT boring when nobody's talking to you, or doesn't dare to talk to you, and you've already finished your job and what's left is just to affirm the progress of the project with your supervisor. Who's not around.

I tried all I could. 8 cups of coffee (yes, i had a horrible stomach upset and gastric pains after that). Sleeping at the toilet. the pay is hard to come by, I realize. After knocking off at 5, dad and I drove back home for dinner. Before I could finish my food I actually fell asleep on the bed and couldn't wake up no matter how hard my sis shook me.

after that, I rushed down to chinatown for kbox! Originally the entire MC was supposed to be there, but the final headcount was...5? People were either sick, or tired, or busy, or just flew aeroplanes. Bah. Ohwell, we had our share of fun at the 10bucks chinatown KTV. 5 guys singing KTV is gay enough, but when we try duets and high-pitch songs like Superwoman, BeeGees, and other insane medleys, it became an wholly new gay affair. Goodness. Now I'm trained in doing the 梁山伯 song as the girl.

i'd love to elaborate more, but judging from today, i need desperate sleep to make sure I last the whole of tomorrow. More on the staff and the friendly office ladies tomorrow.

workwork

2008-05-27T08:31:00.000-07:00

i just got back home.

been shuttling around my 3 committments the whole day. drove to work, drove to school drove back to work, drove home, then took mrt to class. and i lasted the entire day on a chocolate bun and a cup of cafe mocha and teh tarik from the almighty coffee dispenser.

camp committee's been busy these days, and there's been several distasteful updates from contingency plans that bumped all around the few hours I was at work. But yeah, I guess it's the challenge of working 3 jobs in one go.

Class at 7pm felt very very draining. I had almost no mood to pay attention to the speaker, but admittedly, amidst all the bragging he conjured up through his one-hour speech, he did manage to tempt the greed within...whether its worth working so hard and so much to provide luxuries for our family in future? even at the expense of my scripted career, to pursue this deviant path which is plagued with social stigma?

bleah. just overthinking again. like what matthew said, i guess work really does take your brain places you've never thought it would explore..

anyways, after doing all the crap today, after such a shitty day, at the last drip of energy, i somehow feel like superman, for living to the end of such a horrible day. now lets' see if i can sustain till the end of the week.

Potion of Time

2008-05-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

Eddie buys a Potion of Time from Hermit Sage.

Eddie: *glug glug glug*

Eddie: "Hey WTH! This is COFFEE!?!?"

Hermit Sage: "Yeah, don't complain. Nobody said Potions of Time were any bladdy mystical Phoenix Downs in the first place."

Eddie: T__T
------------------------------------------------

Yep, thats the story of my life these days. Living on borrowed time and never paying it back. I'm only hoping for my energy pool to last long enough until the end of my tenure..and until everything turns back to normal.

but then..what's normal, and what's not now?

executively yours

2008-05-26T05:52:00.000-07:00

today's the first day at work in schlumberger. after a brief round of introductions, i tried my best to escape the labelling as "Ow's son", and tried to hit it off with the really nice office ladies down at admin. yup, so far i've been treated really well by the ladies and by my 2 bosses. So happens that one of them's the past president of Engin Club as well! Hahaa...interesting coincidence, I must say.

So today I got my personal laptop at work, and went up online searching for alternative anti-rust oils. Throughout the day I couldn't stop dozing off at the laptop while surfing wikipedia, so i ended up haunting the coffee dispenser. took 4 cups of cafe mocha to keep me alive the entire day. >_<

oh well. tomorrow's gonna be a busier day out. i'm tired, theres other stuff to do, it feels like time management skills need to be levelled up a notch. how things have changed from one month past, really. ahh well. life's fickle, i suppose.

burrrn

2008-05-25T05:20:00.000-07:00

yeowch, i'm burnt.

had dry run pool games today. apart from doing a suicide dive for Tetris and gruffly taking out SQ in the AirBed Titanic Attack, the day had been quite busy as we tried to tie down the loose ends for camp. arrgrhh, the tan is hurting big time at night >_<

we had our lunch at KFC today. cheese fries. just for today, i suppose, in a long chain of memories tied with this item. *sigh*. even though it didn't really feel that bad while eating, it was a move that just further piled on the depression. i'll be needing xanax again pretty soon.

actually, i'm pretty thankful for the never-ending work flow right now. its keeping my mind off things. perhaps once after this is all over, everything can return to normal again =]

haunt.

2008-05-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

today feels like i've been victimized by the stranger on memory lane.

its been so long ever since we've all met up, and it was a tough ride out from school after an exhausting meeting to PS to meet up with the remnants of the class. i suppose partially its my fault for being so quiet today, i just felt so discombobulated after the grilling session in the afternoon, i couldn't really make conversation with everyone else. felt so detached, but it was really nice to see everyone after so long.

was sitting down at the tables near the entrance of manhattan fish market, when suddenly the girls facing the door started calling out her name. Upon seeing her stroll down the corridor with a dreamy look on her face, regardless of how much she's changed, there came a sickening gush of dread that spread rapidly up my face. it still affects me, i don't know why. after...5years of isolating ourselves away, avoiding eye contact, there came this horrible chance that we might see each other again. i've always told myself this: be a gentleman, and forget it all, just be friendly.

but i couldn't muster up any courage to do anything. not even to force a smile out.

she continued strolling away, much to my relief. only then, did the girls realize its not prudent to call out to her or to even pursue her, but the damage's been done. have i truly gotten over her? or is it just that with every girl that i've opened myself up to, there will forever be a lingering residue that will never be erased?

i feel really invalid. almost as if i'm back to square one in the army. don't mind me, i'm ranting my frustration over something i never felt in control of, and have lost control over.

T_T

i'm tired..

2008-05-22T06:21:00.000-07:00

i've never fell asleep so fast before..and by the time I woke up, theres a pile of work waiting for me to go through it already.

*sigh*

its not for men to complain or to whine, but right now i'd wish i could have someone to scream out to, and swear, cuss, rant, and vent the frustration out with. the next best thing would be to articulate myself on this blog, and doing so would hardly do my rep any good. *yep, i know it and i still do it sometimes.*

..on second thoughts, maybe i'll just stifle this a little longer..

intoxicating dreams

2008-05-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

dreamy mood today.

woke up from a extremely long night at work, and had the sweetest dream ever in a very long while. i guess its still a period time before i adjust myself from intoxicating dreams.

i'll leave it as that for the time being. there's work to be done.

burnt out

2008-05-19T08:10:00.000-07:00

i'm burnt!

burnt as well as burned out, with work and the sun both bearing down on me, its all catching up real fast. I feel old now, so lethargic over the holidays even though its the time things are supposed to be done. This entire week has been...I dunno, peaceful, enlightening, revolutionary, but damned ass-shagged tiring. Of all reasons, I'm picked to be one of the few "ghosts" in our camp fright night *ohman...talk abt karma.* worse off, its those creepy scare factor ghosts rather than the slacker "stand by your side and freak you out" type. Sheeesh.

Well, at the very least, I got my first exam passed last Saturday. I'm well on my way. Forgive me for sounding childish or naive, or even retarded here, but here's one great goal to aim for in my life right now.

*I'm gonna earn my first million before the age of 30!*

okay, it sounds very unattainable, but these few days some of us got to thinking...yman, the bunch of us. somehow it just doesn't feel right, slogging half our lives away just to be under the heel of another bureaucratic ratrace. Personally...I chose this academic path as a backup route: I know engineering will be a support role that I'll not stay in for long, which is why I'm actively pursuing finance and management. Now that there's the impetus, the drive amongst us to step forward, perhaps it might be a correct time to try gunning for something big, to live our dreams, in a figurative way of speaking.

After a year of dithering and wishy-washying my time away, especially on superfluous matters, I want to divert all the restlessness, the latent boredom into something meaningful..something tangible for once. For a long while, I'd like to live a dream that wouldn't end so soon, and perhaps this could very well be the chance I've been waiting for. Yup, I'm not studying my ass off simply to attain a secondary major for no reason. Its all money from here.

And they said, "with money, anything is possible."

I'd love to be able to be the one helping people out with money, rather than effort for the first time.

a geeky love poem

2008-05-17T09:33:00.001-07:00

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

my eye

2008-05-15T11:26:00.000-07:00

i don't know if its some psychological effect, or some subconscious mentality thingy.

but my right eye hurts like its burning up.

...don't tell me its the old injury acting up again..

that hand

2008-05-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

you, who stand out so brightly in the light,
the one whom i'll never reach,
no matter how hard i try.

this time, i'll step away without any further prompting. now's just to let time wash away the remnants of such a memory..

work work

2008-05-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

suddenly i feel very peonish. tons of work came piling through, shit happened these 2 days, and I nearly busted my wallet taking taxis to and fro city area. I'm ass-tired.

this isn't what holidays are supposed to be like, aint it?

I realize this happens all the time; at the beginning of a promising new term, I'll grandly take up all available challenges without any heed of self-preservation. And then when the toll does catch up and tags me in the face with a resounding bitchslap, I start wailing out and complaining like a bloody fool missing his pacifier.

*sigh*

Comparatively, I really miss my sem1 self...back at the times when its just hanging out with my gang of OGmates, and all of us studying our common core modules together in the library everyday. Just plain, simple muggering, nothing more. Now theres both external factors and internal obstacles hindering my every step, such as unforseen...accidents and incidents that simply drain my time and energy away, there's no viable comfort buffer-zone to just stretch and relax in anymore.

Retrospectively, this means I'm complaining more, and working less. Reminiscing more, and planning less. Procrastinating more, and sleeping less. Dreaming more, but doing less. Wishing more, but praying less.

I could go on forever. Either way, its back to reading textbook, filling up forms, and reviewing budget proposals simultaneously.

selfish me

2008-05-13T11:59:00.001-07:00

selfish, but yet necessary.

"this is my story, and i choose when to end it." -Tidus

and so goes my parting shot..no matter how skewed in translation it became. I suppose I was never good with words, but i just felt there wasn't any more apt time to change paradigms other than now.

now on to the next adventure in life.

lol

2008-05-11T06:33:00.001-07:00

credits to xkcd.com

Future-Dated Posting

2008-05-10T08:44:00.000-07:00

Now that Blogspot has Future-Dated Postings, lets all play a little game.

I'm gonna write a few posts to be future dated in the couple of weeks up ahead, and lets' see which will come to fruition. A little self-realizing prophecy game to play, I'd say. After all, playing England and kicking French buttocks into stone age while being excommunicated from the Papacy gets boring after a while. *Yep, that's when those Catholic countries gang up and beat the hiding out of every city you own...while the Mongols come knocking on your backdoor*

So I predict..

at the time of This Posting,

I would have grown tired of playing Medieval Total War 2.
I would have broken several rules regarding exercise.
I would still be aching from the arched back gotten from badminton.
I would be moping at home while work piles up from the workplaces. Yes, both workplaces.
I would be working in the morning 8-6, then my 2nd job from 6-8.
I would be missing my friends and wishing for my OG to wake up their idea and go out.

fishing

2008-05-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

got my first virgin catch! =] too tired to talk about it now..and feeling slightly feverish about it, so maybe just a while later...

feeshing

2008-05-08T08:54:00.001-07:00

lol, i thought i'll never have such a scary pun on me,

but i'm going FISHING! Hope I get a reasonable catch!

crossroads once again

2008-05-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

we've reached the crossroads once again, at the same time as the previous year.

the left leads to a simple life, relaxation, and enjoyment.
the right, to a significantly tougher road, filled with obstacles.

I chose the left the last time I passed through this crossroad. It didn't end the way I wanted.

Against all logic, I'm heading for the right one this time. So...its farewell to the ideal holiday I've dreamt of, being able to go out with friends and loved ones at a whim.

..cause its best for the future..

maybe its fate

2008-05-05T09:05:00.000-07:00

when one delves into the depths of comic books and rpgs, it seems that one's mentality is constantly being questioned.

What side are you on: dark, or light?
What strength do you hold?
What do you value the most?
Who are your treasured friends?

apparently, the constant theme of friendship, of alignment, and of growth is forever embossed within these manga/rpgs, and the most interesting fact is that it holds great allure even after the repeated usage in several archetypes. I guess I kinda grew up in this environment, constantly questioning what's right and whats' wrong. Always a dreamer, they once said of me. Always seeing the world in black and white, naively thinking that darkness is a quantity of negative emotion easily retained within oneself.

How..reminiscently childish.

though I wish I could think that way about the decision I have to make now. I really, really don't want to make a step into the darkness or blind myself in the light. I..just want the best of both worlds, yet I shun the agony of taking on the consequences of both simultaneously. is it prudent to go on like this? is this twilight really the way?

..I'd wish I had the tenacity not to kill myself over this.

its all over.

2008-05-02T03:05:00.000-07:00

so finally, the madness ends, and we're all left standing like idiots amongst the rubble. the going was tough, the tough didn't get to go shopping, and you can be pretty sure theres a bunch of people going around asking "what's next?"

and one said, "go forth and multiply". the next moment, he's nothing left but a stain on the ground. we're all looking at each other, waiting for someone to initiate something to get the herd mentality going. some furtively glance to the battlefields next door, wishing for their comrades to join them in the aftermath as soon as possible. but its not, they have their fights to finish, their stories to unwind.

squatting amidst the wreckage, its hard not to wonder. "what's next?" No. that's already been asked many times. more like..."How now?" there's plenty of things to be done, little time and money to be spared, and loose ends that beg to be tied up, snipped, or simply to be played with. I'll admit it. I'm as lost as the next man. Sadly, that other man says the same thing.

So its time to dust our buttocks, and to head off into the proverbial sunset. This war's over, and there's nothing left for us to look back upon.

And off I go, tired and weary, limping into the sunset while avoiding the masses thinking i'm some nasty prick.

zettai kareshi

2008-05-01T00:37:00.001-07:00

..its actually quite pissifying.

i'm referring to the manga zettai kareshi by the way. finished the entire manga within a night..and it all feels that the guys inside are so perfect and selfless, so pathetically ideal that it tries to influence certain stigmas onto unsuspecting readers. the way it idolizes romance, no wonder its a shoujo comic. bleargh.

soushi's really one sad character though...throughout the entire manga i couldn't stop feeling horrible for him. haiz. all this amidst the lack of time for studying EG1108.

compounded bad luck

2008-04-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

the compounding effect was never so exemplified.

observe 2 papers being heavily devastated, couple that with a morning 1hr jam down AYE that nobody could have avoided unless it meant reaching school at an unearthly hour of 7.30am, doing a 500m sprint from LT7A all the way down to SRC. Combine that to running to MPSH2 and realizing its a bloody fking LSM paper on the way, doublechecking downstairs to realize the venue was correct but the hall portion was different, add on the fact that the paper already started long ago and I was mentally taxed, physically exhausted, and panting louder than a diesel engine in an otherwise silent hall.

damnit, damnit, DAMNIT. i'm turning into a raving loony cause of this manic 4day challenge. i'm so sorry to anybody whom i've offended recently, so i suggest everybody just stay a distance from me. at least for this week, until i've regathered my spirits and my mental health. its caveman time, and i'm going into my isolation hole with an almighty big club.

don't. you. DARE. piss. me. off.

weakwilled

2008-04-28T04:47:00.000-07:00

my tolerance level is weak.

FAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKING HELLLLLLLL!!!!

ARAGRRHARAHSRHASHRHFUCK IM DAMN PISSED OFF WITH THIS SHIT ALREADY!!!! KNN study for FARK!??!?!? shit...this is only the beginning of 4 heavy-set papers, how the hell am i going to live through this?!?!

wrong timing

2008-04-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

its hardly the time, and i don't understand why either. it seems that the more busy i get, or the more tired i am, i seem to be more verbose about life in general. as always, the "think too much" always happens.

i feel kinda worried thinking of what to do and what will happen in the holidays. guess i'm apprehensive at best...horrified at worst. there's so many unknown factors floating around that will influence life after the exams, its pretty daunting. you know what i mean.

anyways, i want to fly away from this place and leave everything behind. perhaps go backpack in vietnam or cambodia for a month alone..just to get away from all the mess in singapore. i kinda miss the peace and serenity of the mountains back in the tibetian regions already...seems that every semester only does its worst effects screwing around with my psyche. i just want to be alone for a while, away from everybody i know, from this all-too-familiar place and surrounding. i...need to reflect on this rage and the unexplainable plethora of sickness storing up within before this new beginning.

still, i guess i'm duty-bound to be here. i hope i don't do anything wrong or say anything hurtful in the time being. sigh.

if only,
if only,
if only.

i guess its just a dream for now, not an option.

shut up.

2008-04-26T07:03:00.001-07:00

i'm afraid its time i shut off for the moment.

goodbye for now.

my ex jokes.

2008-04-25T03:14:00.001-07:00

from XKCD.com

maybe its just me..

2008-04-24T05:18:00.000-07:00

perhaps, maybe its just me. I don't know, how ambivalent one can get. right now i feel that theres a tight-fisted wad of anger all bunched up inside, for certain reasons i'd wish never came to existence. it would be so convenient to attribute it simply to exam stress, so easy to shrug off responsibility of such fickleness, of being so shallow...that I don't even want to adopt such a hollow excuse anymore.

i hate this indecision..this ambivalent feeling that's welling up inside right now. i don't know which way to go, and i fear even taking a single step either way. yet, the status quo isn't any much better, but its the best situation i can sustain for the greater good for now. i'd say it. the me that's manifested in these 2 weeks has a terribly contrasting goal and mannerism as to the past. it wants to tear away from the old emo and oversensitive side, but there's things holding me back. its as if theres a primal fear that retains me from changing.

but yet, this life angers this new loner personality so much. it wants to lash out and hurt people, but i guess some part of me doesn't want that to happen. especially not to the ones i love and treasure. urgh. the mere thought of that stings. i really, really wish things will get less..painful either way.

and previously, people said i was patient....bullshit.

exam stress

2008-04-22T09:14:00.001-07:00

exams are up ahead in less than 5 days time, and i have a very very bad foreboding feeling this time. Something tells me that this time round, my luck's really run out. I can't seem to absorb as well as the late-exam rushes during O's, A's. Argh...and the worst thing is that I can't focus at all..couple a tough syllabus with a heart wandering off to play all the time. Sigh..:(

On a side note, it feels like everything's changed this week internally. Maybe the spanner stuck in my system got wrenched off, but things in life start to look so much clearer, aims become so much more defined. The things I want to achieve and..the things I want now, feel so much more practical rather than naive and idealistic as before. For the first time, maybe I can stop trying to be Superman in pursuing the things I want.

Well..it isn't a choice, isn't it? I've realized it now..

update

2008-04-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

anyways, sweep aside those depressing posts abit. i just received the latest emails on my life (hmm. funny how things happen to me and not me happening to things. bleah)

right now i've applied for this internship down at the local bank..i don't know if its a downright waste of time or not, especially with the huge line of events piled up during the 3month vacation. Especially when there's other things I want to pursue, and to spend time at, or the people I wish to spend time with. but i guess..no matter how things deviate, no matter how goals diverge and how priorities change, us guys still have to go on out and earn our keep in the later years. true, keeping up physically and learning new life skills could be all well and dandy, and spending time with your friends does have its intangible benefits..

but i guess its for the best. even though..this 3month vacation seems all too short now that its coming, i'd hope to cherish and treasure every moment that will come when you guys return..or when i'm out with friends and family alike.

anyways, i guess my life as a mugger has been affirmed. officially, i'm enrolled into Biz major, so it means i'm going to pump 6 modules every semester till my graduation. it'll be a prelude to a tough time ahead..but i truly want to increase my chances down the road. everything becomes materialistic all of a sudden, and i don't care, i'm going to be one of those money-faced people too. so...i'll start my preparations first. there's no way to turn back time when there's regrets...no way a hallelujah chance would drop down from the heavens no matter how hard we pray..and besides, its not me to go get myself screwed over small matters all the time. i need a long break..really..

and with that, ends my first year in university. i wonder how i'll do..and how other people will grade me?

dub the turtle

2008-04-13T06:58:00.000-07:00

"sometimes, listlessness hint at a destitute emotional state. one can appear to be under enormous inner pressure, probably caused by feelings of inadequacy. sometimes, an unfulfilled performance ambition increases with one's lack of energy in a vicious cycle. the ensuing conflict being fought out inside takes up all of the person's energy."

an insight to psychiatry and perhaps understanding exam stress. maybe thats why at times, its inevitable to feel helpless and even despondent..its this giant cycle of negative energy building up within. wow. psychiatry really is interesting.

Dub the Turtle
"nevertheless, feelings of inadequacy, shame and a nostalgic longing for experiences long past still reflect an inner conflict - a charge against oneself and the world, coupled with the idea of having lost everything.A repressed fear of losing an object of love might be responsible for this melancholy view of the world. To avert the fear of loss, the super-ego develops a conflict by proxy. To avoid heaving hate and anger upon the object of love - who has left it behind - it turns this destructive energy upon itself. Only in this way can the object of love be saved from the destructive forces and survive - and with it the feeling of love."

doublepost

2008-04-10T08:40:00.001-07:00

wow amazing, i'm cognitive enough to do a double-post today.

amidst all the exam stress, i suddenly realized something ugly. its not that its anybody else's at fault, except that its solely my personality flaw. seriously, its to the point of being overbearingly irritating. why the hell am i so retardedly persistent, so bloody stupidly...optimistic at things?

why do i care so much about other things? about other people? thats being overly goody-two shoes, being too hoity-toity, acting all high-and-mighty already. I'm sick of thinking like this. and i really want to stop. i don't want to "make a difference" when people don't need them. i don't want to "be there for them" when they don't even need a shoulder. i can't stand this bloody idealistic side of me. because that makes me become a liability..and seriously, a nuisance to these people. f***. i don't know why or how i became such a goody-two-shoes or such a stuckup, thinking that what i know or do, or the things i believe in are the best for everybody else. because its 99% of the time not the case. and if someone were to stuff things down my throat, saying that its good for me, i'll probably flip that guy off. asshole.

its more than enough now. i'm sick and tired of this retardedness screwing things up within me and the people around me. "its the thought that counts.." bullshit. if anything, anyone's to blame now, i gladly claim all the credit. f*** this. all this idiocy is making me feel nauseous about myself. and no thank you, i'll feel better if i'm alone in this one. if you're still reading, don't even try making any sense of all these to any situation. it doesn't just refer to a single incident, and neither does it to anyone particularly.

out.

this sounds emo, but hey..

2008-04-10T03:15:00.001-07:00

i know this sounds emo, but its something random i came across in a manga..

"Waking up from a happy dream pains the heart more than a nightmare"

goodness...funny how things in the past can be so succintly, and aptly summarized just in a single manga quote.

here comes the crunch.

2008-04-06T06:43:00.000-07:00

after all the dust has settled, it feels so much more peaceful now..although it appears that at certain times, there's a burgeoning urge to do something totally irrational. Nonetheless, I guess its a test of character now..whether I'm able to keep to the promise I've made just a few days ago. As much as I'd wish it otherwise, it would appear that its most prudent that the full utility of time be maximized. It'll be better this way..I hope..

good luck for the crunch ahead!

god..i hate paraphrasing for ambiguity.

frankly, just farkit. seriously.

2008-04-04T11:21:00.000-07:00

believe me when i say this.

no matter what happens in the future, i'm glad i learnt something really valuable tonight. and its something i hope i'll bring down with me wherever I go. Cause if I don't, its going to be up the hellroad once again.

i'd like to think i won't make such stupid character flaws again. that'll stay close to my heart for aeons to pass..nobody wants to make a costly mistake twice just to learn the same lesson once.

theres some things i want to say but i can't.

2008-03-30T09:24:00.001-07:00

sigh..i'm getting very tired by the lack of sleep.
worse still, i can't even get anything done while alive.

feel so unaccomplished..wonder what happened to the fire back at the start of yr1. the academic year's ending already...this final exam shall be the report-card of how well things have went academically in the first year of uni.

at the very least..let it be something worth smiling at...there's too many things that will turn to regrets once this term ends..

*depressed*

update for the sake of one

2008-03-22T11:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, I realized there wasn't much interesting things happening in life *everything interesting happens inside anyways*, so just a quick update.

Midterms are over..surprisingly, I once again broke the effort-reward line through sheer luck and random ticking of MCQs. Astonishing. Even Physics and Programming garnered a respectable score, even when both were ironically tested on the same day just hours away from each other.

Right now, I'm desperately trying to catch up on the horrible backlog of lectures I've skipped due to my disgusting timetable (8-10am, 4-6pm days almost everyday if you don't know). Sigh. I guess I'd better not leave such a giant leeway for other modules next semester...its only going to kill me if I ever try this in Yr2. Now I end up in school and camping in clubroom nearly everyday just to while away the hours..pfft.

Anyways, Project Spartan has degenerated to Project Glutton..in fact, HongKong and China probably nailed it for me as it fattened me up just when the effects were showing..*sigh*

Mmm..yup, seems almost like everything. Oh, and I'm treasuring every moment I have now..if you'd know what I mean. ;)

balance of the force

2008-03-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

for the moment, it seems like the mad and crazy rush of mid-term exams' over. Let's see...that's Maths, Physics and Computing down. 3 cores down, just EG1108 and FNA to go. Seriously its a horrible day today..I landed in school at 730am and once again, skipped the 8am Physics lecture the 3rd week in a row just to mug for the midterm test. Talk about robbing Bob to pay Paul..

Anyways, I'm pretty worried..I gotta find a balance in the force, to forge out a niche that is long-lasting and enjoyable to live through, not adhere to the antiquated, oh-so-wrong way of treating someone. Cause living for the moment can be one thing..but I'd really wish to prolong this moment as much as I can..In many ways..its pretty counter-intuitive, but I suppose I have to keep a balance. >_<

That's some cryptic talking on my part..but I guess i'll leave it at that. It's serious overdrive thinking after a doublewhammy paper of Physics and Programming.

-Eddi/Jiaho
Ellusioniste/Poserique

hahaa n' van, dun worry abt it, there's some things i won't forget from that walk down bugis XP

Happy =]

2008-02-28T06:10:00.000-08:00

Whew, the study break is ending really fast..its already Thursday and I haven't gotten anything done yet!

Anyways, today was a fun day out! Wednesday me and Yman camped out at clubroom to do our papercrafting..I got a Nanibird and he did a Snake-inna-Box. Think the cost of production was even higher than buying ready-made materials! That night the guys watched Meet the Spartans down at the clubroom..and surprisingly it was good for a made-to-suck type of movie made by the same producers of Epic Movie.

Yup, today heaved myself off to school for camp finance meeting...seems like there's tons of things to be done for my budget proposal! I guess I've been stuck in too many of other people's projects that I'm losing focus on my very own role..

Anyways, after the meeting I headed down to Bugis to change book at kino. Thank goodness they didn't exercise their 7-days exchange policy! I was highly malu-ified when the lady asked for the date of purchase and I had to reply that it was the last day of the previous year. >_< Anyways, I learnt that venezia ice-cream had some cool-sounding tartufor flavour *the spelling gets more and more warped as time passes from moment of ingestion* Ohwell, it was a fun trip out from the monotony of school, really..its been pretty long since I've shopped out too.

Hahaa..thanks for the company out today, van! =] you're..not so evil le! =P

decision!

2008-02-18T08:27:00.000-08:00

i think i cleared up my head a lil'.

no time for distractions, this sem's crucial right now. can't lose what you don't have. why worry about status when its all about feeling. if it doesn't work out, there's no need to mourn any loss. no time for distractions, everyone. just relax and smell the roses.

*back to studies*

perverted.

2008-02-14T06:12:00.000-08:00

in a weird, perverse way of thinking, is worrying over someone's unhappiness, being uncertain over one's response to your actions, having concerns for one's life more than your very own, and having sleepless nights just thinking of someone considered the thrills of dating...or is it just plain scary?

how quaint human relationships can get..i kinda think its scary though.

This is MADNESS!!!

Random Emo

2008-02-10T07:07:00.001-08:00

I'm just random these days, I wonder why. After watching Nobuta wo Produce, I just kinda wish I didn't go crazy during my JC days..or that I actually spent my 4years in a mixed school. It feels as if...something important was left out during my childhood, and I just can't figure out what. At times through the show it felt as if I were in Shuji's shoes, now and in JC, and now, I just feel what Akira would be feeling all over..sans the konkon.

Its been so long, I wonder..

Back before I entered university and after army, it didn't matter that I was alone. I spent nearly every day alone in my room, and I didn't mind it. I embraced it, and loved it. But, being alone now feels too lonely. I used to read books, and play my guitar just to waste such lonely times away. But now, it feels too lonely.

*total randomity - its' v-day, so let me indulge in abit of reflection.*

Its been so long, I wonder what it truly means to love someone. Do we guys really have the bravery, the selflessness to let the ones we love go with a better person? I cannot fathom the option at all. Going through that option once was already murder.

What does it truly mean to love..how do we know its not a fleeting sensation, or just wishful thinking?

I once thought I knew..

Back then, it was eating together, and having fun together.
It was seeing the same scenery together, and never forgetting that moment.
It was watching television, even when miles apart, and still laughing about it days later.
It was about laughing like crazy, or at times, getting worried sick over the person.
It was about wanting the best of the world for the person.
It was about wanting to take away all their tears, and leaving them all smiles.
And...it was thinking, hoping, and wanting to spend more time with them.
It was simple things like these, that I called love.

Now, it doesn't seem so easily defined. What truly defines the warm feeling toward another to be love, and not friendship? How do we stop the never-ending spiral towards this judgement with every bond we make?

Is it truly desperation, or do we really want to simply cheer up a friend when they're down? Extrapolate that: why do we selflessly proclaim to want nothing in return and stay by their side, cheering them up and lending a shoulder to lean on, when we wrestle the demons inside us, all goading us into wanting their acknowledgement and love in return?

I thought I knew the answers 2 years back.
Now I'm as clueless as the next single this Valentine's Day.

Until I know the answer, I fly solo.

Dreaming

possessive

i'm not a mute

what what?

home. now.

a month long curry

what a upcoming birthday

what am i doing...

fuck you

been here for 3.5months..

My Life in USA

sigh..

Thanksgiving

demanding

someone bang me down

Eddie does a Bankai

bf fail

all i want to do now

it just cant come faster

tired of work

my wonderful grand-dad

new song!

engin camp 09! *and getting attached*

happily with you

what a night...

bad mood

dream or nightmare

i really don't know.

Ooooooooooo

weird man all over

dream or dun dream

bored man blogs

dreamy exams

exam emo

yes i'm still alive

emo

don't you dare

wow, a new post!

update

thanks for the music

i really do!

I aspire..

work > love

happy birthday to me!

22nd alr..

wow. a post!

by your side

random update

life so far

omg we're back again

Post-Camp

engin camp!

fun day out!!

lapse

you very lucky

strength to carry on

quizzy

image raze

sausagefest

workwork

Potion of Time

executively yours

burrrn

haunt.

i'm tired..

intoxicating dreams

burnt out

a geeky love poem

my eye

that hand

work work

selfish me

lol

Future-Dated Posting

fishing

feeshing

crossroads once again

maybe its fate

its all over.

zettai kareshi

engin camp 09! and getting attached