Ever wished you lived in a comic plot? Not Order of the Stick, but somewhat like Ichigo 100%? I know this matter's not really been on my mind ever since 2 years back, but nonetheless its starting resurface again..things that might not necessarily be wonderful nor deleterious, but things that affect you nonetheless. Take that issue, couple it with a receding time schedule that works against you, forcing your hand at every second and every pass. Every day becomes a longing, only to be satiated when you finally see what you wish to see, before returning to the original state of pining. Pitiful, I know, when you try to rationalize it, maybe attribute it to terms of desperation. Nevertheless, as cryptic and mysterious as I try to make this sound out, it appears awfully clear that I'm back to step one of the JC days. Allusions aside, yesterday's department meeting when everyone disappeared from our common work area, something, I don't know what, maybe some innate confidence that stirred up when the time was right, made me go forth and call out, to communicate with this person in question. Thankfully, and luckily, not many people know of this new address..so I can safely say...Kelvin, you're know who this person really is!
Nonetheless what made me blog this down is the fact that..after speaking to her candidly yesterday, her image just couldn't stop bothering me..maybe what Faye said to me was true, but nonetheless I don't want this to become yet another ugly case of unwanted obsession! I've gone through this too many times, and now the inner voice that tells me to go forth and get her contact gets betrayed by hidden, ulterior motives. Its hard to go through my last 6 working days, when you can't even trust yourself. I'd love to go talk to her again, but now theres so many holding factors back...there won't be another chance to do so without everyone else
looking/trying to be funny, and definitely it'll be hard! Bleah..anyways I'm happy to have her as a normal friend...I hope! Then again..what would I do even if I get her contact! Sigh..I guess its just a pretty passing, yet another pebble that will pass through the waterfall of life.
Another matter that hit me today, was when I revealed to my loyal customers that I'm leaving the company. Its really touching, especially for debtors who get hounded everyday for money to really form ties with me over such a short period of time. One of them offered to ask me out for tea, and wished to maintain contacts even after I left. Another gave me his email address, and promptly requested for mine! Sadly, I had to turn down both..although it was really very tempting..to see the faces behind the voices I deal with everyday. Especially these few voices, where they wished me well, and really went out of their way to applaud me for trying to obtain money from them?! In a sense, I find it pretty shameful, but pretty much when they get so emotionally attached to some kid who's trying his best to negotiate money out of them.
Nonetheless, I'm glad that in this world of dollars, promises, and shameless dunning, I've made an impact upon the lives of others, so much so that they remember me, my name, and what I've done. I may have been a pebble in their life, but I hope this pebble left some trails in its wake down memory's waterfall...
learning through life's potholes