quizzy mood today. just got my results right after returning from the workshop, and somehow felt numb. its almost as expected. and i feel disappointed at that.
1. What age do you wish to marry ?
- 26-28?
2. What you want the most right now ?
- time, energy, peace, happiness, success, cash. i'm greedy.
3. What do you want to be in your next life ?
- someone more capable at helping others =]
4. Something to describe yourself
- think-too-much, emo, boring. the list goes on.
5. If you can have 1 more dream to come true , what would it be ?
- relive the days from kindergarden again
6. What are you afraid to lose now ?
- my closest friends and family...
7. Do you believe in ETERNAL love?
- no.
8. If you meet someone that you love , would you confess to him/her ?
- ...probably not anymore.
9. How would you spend 200 bucks ?
- i don't really indulge, but i'll prolly spend it on food or movies. if not, it'll be something severely expensive, like a new bag or highlighting my hair.
10 . What are the requirement(s) that you yearn from the other half ?
- someone who'll support me when i'm down, who'll accept me for who i am, perhaps?
11.Which type of person you hate most ?
- backstabbing politicians.
12. So you cherish every of your friendship ?
- i'd never let my closest friends disappear if thats what you're saying..
13. Do you believe in God ?
- believing in a higher being looking..it allows me conscience not to hate myself too much.
14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life ?
- i really don't know at this juncture. it probably will be career, but there's just something lacking..
15. Do you find it a need for you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend ?
- after everything, no.
16. What do you want your friends to be like ?
- people who'll cheer me up, keep me afloat, bear with me when i'm grumpy and never leave me for the dumps :)
17. What are the things that i will think of ?
- now? engin camp, money matters, and friends i wish i had time to ask out.
18. What is your favourite hobby ?
- i don't even play games now. probably piano and guitar?
19. If you’re feeling low one day , who will you go to ?
- vincent for a fishing trip, nat n' yman for a kbox session, alex n' kh for booze, robin for mahjong. of course, there's sara, to turn to when i need to rant..
20. Who are the ones that you really care for ?
- my closest friends, my family, my MC, my loved ones.
here's another from my sis's webby =p
1. Name one person who always texts you.
mm sara? its all about camp stuff, don't worry :P
2. Do you think some people are born stupid?
disadvantaged, yes. stupidity is trained into people. and yes, i can be stupid too.
3. Name one negative thing about you?
emo. 'nuff said.
4. Status?
Online.
5 . What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
stoning at msn. T_T
6. Sport you wanted to learn?
there's tons! perhaps master basketball?*though i'll break my spine again*. or master bowling?
7. Ever tried gymnastics?
not in your bloody life.
8. What was the last thing you bought?
kimage style card. i had a haircut, remember? :)
9. Do you talk a lot?
only to the ppl i truly open up to.
10. Do you believe that love is blind?
tried, tested, proven.
11. Where is your sister?
napping on the bed.
12. How was your day yesterday?
boring. i was at work.
13. What is the last ice cream flavor you had?
thats aeons ago...tarturfor?
14 . Are you an optimistic one?
i try to be, but i get knocked down. *tubthumping!*
15 . People describe you as….
emo. worrywart. loser.
16. Contented in life?
no. i know theres more to be squeezed out of this.
17. What was the last thing you bought?
leisurewise, its a haircut. otherwise, its just lunch.
18. Are you happy with the love of your life?
quite thankfully, i don't have one now. no, really, i prefer it this way.
19. Do you skip meals?
no. its just that my meals can be delayed 5hrs due to irregular sleep patterns. oh, and i have a minute appetite, i don't know why.
20. Do you consider yourself smart?
my grades tell me so, but i know there's even crazier people out there.
21. What color is your gate?
white, tinged with red.
22. Reason for living?
to make a difference to the people around me, to the people i care for, and to the people who are in need of care. of course, to leave something fitting when i leave this mortal coil..
23 . Are you typically a jolly person?
no, i can be very morbid and cynical. i just act jolly for the sake of others.
24 . Name one enemy of yours:
my inner self. think roxas and sora.
25. Name one close girl friend:
..i don't know anymore.
26. Now, who’s the first person in your mind?
hahaa i'd love to lie about this question. let's change this: what's the first thing on my mind: i'm thinking about my next step from here on out regarding some stuff.
27. What did the last text message you received say?
Dad's HP - Result out?
28. Do you go to the gym?
used to, not anymore.
29. Song playing at the moment:
its all peaceful to the ear now.
30. How do you cope with stress?
i don't. i get plagued with migraine.
31. Ever broken someone’s heart?
..yes
32. What makes you happy?
breaking someone's heart.
..okay, joke in bad taste. being needed, and appreciated by others, perhaps.
33. What is the last thing you said aloud?
*sigh*
34. How much is your tuition fee?
nil. i tutor myself at my own expense.
36. Last person you texted? About what?
Ya...my CAP *.** - to dad.
37. Last thing you ate?
Dinner - fish and i forgot what.
38. Ever made someone cry?
...yes, and i don't ever want to do it again. :(
40. Favorite song when you’re drunk?
hear me sing! *ouch*
and talk about delving into one's inner psyche. hahaa..i think i've taken to being a micromouse on a hazy algorithm. i smack on the wall, turn 360 degrees, and proceed smacking into the wall again, trying to reach my goals. however long i take to turn, i still end up hitting the wall until the battery runs out or the competition is over. really, it seems that university's the school of hard knocks. i definitely changed alot in sem1 when i first came in, and i liked how things went. but right now into the 2nd semester, it feels as if i've turned a shade uglier in person, more selfish in character, and less sensitive than before. i don't like this one bit, really.
i guess we all need our personal space to retract into sometimes. for over 5years, mine's gone onto an exhibitionist strike and went global through the internet. but hey, i've never bothered writing a diary. i like being able to edit my posts.
then again, isn't life all about drawing without an eraser?
..i'd just want to do things such that i won't regret them later in life. thats why i try so hard.
learning through life's potholes
i cut my hair today! :P
hahaa shit, this sounds damn retarded, but i got sick of being shaggy at the workplace, so immediately after work i called up kimage for an appointment and headed down to jurong east without a single clue of where the salon was. felt damn suaku la, but i guess its okay to pamper oneself once in a while!
so yeap, apparently there's a damned reason why my hair always flattens out at the back everytime...i've been cutting it wrong for 20 years!! blearrgh. now it finally follows a contour..and after stepping out i kinda felt light-headed...literally. no longer plagued by messy hair!
now its just up to an image raze 3weeks later...*wink*
learning through life's potholes
just came back from an exhausting day out. been in the office since 7am in the morning, and sat at the laptop trying to keep myself awake desperately for 9 hours. Seriously, its THAT boring when nobody's talking to you, or doesn't dare to talk to you, and you've already finished your job and what's left is just to affirm the progress of the project with your supervisor. Who's not around.
I tried all I could. 8 cups of coffee (yes, i had a horrible stomach upset and gastric pains after that). Sleeping at the toilet. the pay is hard to come by, I realize. After knocking off at 5, dad and I drove back home for dinner. Before I could finish my food I actually fell asleep on the bed and couldn't wake up no matter how hard my sis shook me.
after that, I rushed down to chinatown for kbox! Originally the entire MC was supposed to be there, but the final headcount was...5? People were either sick, or tired, or busy, or just flew aeroplanes. Bah. Ohwell, we had our share of fun at the 10bucks chinatown KTV. 5 guys singing KTV is gay enough, but when we try duets and high-pitch songs like Superwoman, BeeGees, and other insane medleys, it became an wholly new gay affair. Goodness. Now I'm trained in doing the 梁山伯 song as the girl.
i'd love to elaborate more, but judging from today, i need desperate sleep to make sure I last the whole of tomorrow. More on the staff and the friendly office ladies tomorrow.
learning through life's potholes
i just got back home.
been shuttling around my 3 committments the whole day. drove to work, drove to school drove back to work, drove home, then took mrt to class. and i lasted the entire day on a chocolate bun and a cup of cafe mocha and teh tarik from the almighty coffee dispenser.
camp committee's been busy these days, and there's been several distasteful updates from contingency plans that bumped all around the few hours I was at work. But yeah, I guess it's the challenge of working 3 jobs in one go.
Class at 7pm felt very very draining. I had almost no mood to pay attention to the speaker, but admittedly, amidst all the bragging he conjured up through his one-hour speech, he did manage to tempt the greed within...whether its worth working so hard and so much to provide luxuries for our family in future? even at the expense of my scripted career, to pursue this deviant path which is plagued with social stigma?
bleah. just overthinking again. like what matthew said, i guess work really does take your brain places you've never thought it would explore..
anyways, after doing all the crap today, after such a shitty day, at the last drip of energy, i somehow feel like superman, for living to the end of such a horrible day. now lets' see if i can sustain till the end of the week.
learning through life's potholes
Eddie buys a Potion of Time from Hermit Sage.
Eddie: *glug glug glug*
Eddie: "Hey WTH! This is COFFEE!?!?"
Hermit Sage: "Yeah, don't complain. Nobody said Potions of Time were any bladdy mystical Phoenix Downs in the first place."
Eddie: T__T
------------------------------------------------
Yep, thats the story of my life these days. Living on borrowed time and never paying it back. I'm only hoping for my energy pool to last long enough until the end of my tenure..and until everything turns back to normal.
but then..what's normal, and what's not now?
learning through life's potholes
today's the first day at work in schlumberger. after a brief round of introductions, i tried my best to escape the labelling as "Ow's son", and tried to hit it off with the really nice office ladies down at admin. yup, so far i've been treated really well by the ladies and by my 2 bosses. So happens that one of them's the past president of Engin Club as well! Hahaa...interesting coincidence, I must say.
So today I got my personal laptop at work, and went up online searching for alternative anti-rust oils. Throughout the day I couldn't stop dozing off at the laptop while surfing wikipedia, so i ended up haunting the coffee dispenser. took 4 cups of cafe mocha to keep me alive the entire day. >_<
oh well. tomorrow's gonna be a busier day out. i'm tired, theres other stuff to do, it feels like time management skills need to be levelled up a notch. how things have changed from one month past, really. ahh well. life's fickle, i suppose.
learning through life's potholes
yeowch, i'm burnt.
had dry run pool games today. apart from doing a suicide dive for Tetris and gruffly taking out SQ in the AirBed Titanic Attack, the day had been quite busy as we tried to tie down the loose ends for camp. arrgrhh, the tan is hurting big time at night >_<
we had our lunch at KFC today. cheese fries. just for today, i suppose, in a long chain of memories tied with this item. *sigh*. even though it didn't really feel that bad while eating, it was a move that just further piled on the depression. i'll be needing xanax again pretty soon.
actually, i'm pretty thankful for the never-ending work flow right now. its keeping my mind off things. perhaps once after this is all over, everything can return to normal again =]
learning through life's potholes
today feels like i've been victimized by the stranger on memory lane.
its been so long ever since we've all met up, and it was a tough ride out from school after an exhausting meeting to PS to meet up with the remnants of the class. i suppose partially its my fault for being so quiet today, i just felt so discombobulated after the grilling session in the afternoon, i couldn't really make conversation with everyone else. felt so detached, but it was really nice to see everyone after so long.
was sitting down at the tables near the entrance of manhattan fish market, when suddenly the girls facing the door started calling out her name. Upon seeing her stroll down the corridor with a dreamy look on her face, regardless of how much she's changed, there came a sickening gush of dread that spread rapidly up my face. it still affects me, i don't know why. after...5years of isolating ourselves away, avoiding eye contact, there came this horrible chance that we might see each other again. i've always told myself this: be a gentleman, and forget it all, just be friendly.
but i couldn't muster up any courage to do anything. not even to force a smile out.
she continued strolling away, much to my relief. only then, did the girls realize its not prudent to call out to her or to even pursue her, but the damage's been done. have i truly gotten over her? or is it just that with every girl that i've opened myself up to, there will forever be a lingering residue that will never be erased?
i feel really invalid. almost as if i'm back to square one in the army. don't mind me, i'm ranting my frustration over something i never felt in control of, and have lost control over.
T_T
learning through life's potholes
i've never fell asleep so fast before..and by the time I woke up, theres a pile of work waiting for me to go through it already.
*sigh*
its not for men to complain or to whine, but right now i'd wish i could have someone to scream out to, and swear, cuss, rant, and vent the frustration out with. the next best thing would be to articulate myself on this blog, and doing so would hardly do my rep any good. *yep, i know it and i still do it sometimes.*
..on second thoughts, maybe i'll just stifle this a little longer..
learning through life's potholes
dreamy mood today.
woke up from a extremely long night at work, and had the sweetest dream ever in a very long while. i guess its still a period time before i adjust myself from intoxicating dreams.
i'll leave it as that for the time being. there's work to be done.
learning through life's potholes
i'm burnt!
burnt as well as burned out, with work and the sun both bearing down on me, its all catching up real fast. I feel
old now, so lethargic over the holidays even though its the time things are supposed to be done. This entire week has been...I dunno, peaceful, enlightening, revolutionary, but damned ass-shagged tiring. Of all reasons, I'm picked to be one of the few "ghosts" in our camp fright night *ohman...talk abt karma.* worse off, its those creepy scare factor ghosts rather than the slacker "stand by your side and freak you out" type. Sheeesh.
Well, at the very least, I got my first exam passed last Saturday. I'm well on my way. Forgive me for sounding childish or naive, or even retarded here, but here's one great goal to aim for in my life right now.
*I'm gonna earn my first million before the age of 30!*
okay, it sounds very unattainable, but these few days some of us got to thinking...yman, the bunch of us. somehow it just doesn't feel right, slogging half our lives away just to be under the heel of another bureaucratic ratrace. Personally...I chose this academic path as a backup route: I know engineering will be a support role that I'll not stay in for long, which is why I'm actively pursuing finance and management. Now that there's the impetus, the drive amongst us to step forward, perhaps it might be a correct time to try gunning for something big, to live our dreams, in a figurative way of speaking.
After a year of dithering and wishy-washying my time away, especially on superfluous matters, I want to divert all the restlessness, the latent boredom into something meaningful..something tangible for once. For a long while, I'd like to live a dream that wouldn't end so soon, and perhaps this could very well be the chance I've been waiting for. Yup, I'm not studying my ass off simply to attain a secondary major for no reason. Its all money from here.
And they said, "with money, anything is possible."
I'd love to be able to be the one helping people out with money, rather than effort for the first time.
learning through life's potholes
I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed
learning through life's potholes
i don't know if its some psychological effect, or some subconscious mentality thingy.
but my right eye
hurts like its burning up.
...don't tell me its the old injury acting up again..
learning through life's potholes
you, who stand out so brightly in the light,
the one whom i'll never reach,
no matter how hard i try.
this time, i'll step away without any further prompting. now's just to let time wash away the remnants of such a memory..
learning through life's potholes
suddenly i feel very peonish. tons of work came piling through, shit happened these 2 days, and I nearly busted my wallet taking taxis to and fro city area. I'm ass-tired.
this isn't what holidays are supposed to be like, aint it?
I realize this happens all the time; at the beginning of a promising new term, I'll grandly take up all available challenges without any heed of self-preservation. And then when the toll does catch up and tags me in the face with a resounding bitchslap, I start wailing out and complaining like a bloody fool missing his pacifier.
*sigh*
Comparatively, I really miss my sem1 self...back at the times when its just hanging out with my gang of OGmates, and all of us studying our common core modules together in the library everyday. Just plain, simple muggering, nothing more. Now theres both external factors and internal obstacles hindering my every step, such as unforseen...accidents and incidents that simply drain my time and energy away, there's no viable comfort buffer-zone to just stretch and relax in anymore.
Retrospectively, this means I'm complaining more, and working less. Reminiscing more, and planning less. Procrastinating more, and sleeping less. Dreaming more, but doing less. Wishing more, but praying less.
I could go on forever. Either way, its back to reading textbook, filling up forms, and reviewing budget proposals simultaneously.
learning through life's potholes
selfish, but yet necessary.
"this is my story, and i choose when to end it." -Tidus
and so goes my parting shot..no matter how skewed in translation it became. I suppose I was never good with words, but i just felt there wasn't any more apt time to change paradigms other than now.
now on to the next adventure in life.
learning through life's potholes
credits to
xkcd.com
learning through life's potholes
Now that Blogspot has Future-Dated Postings, lets all play a little game.
I'm gonna write a few posts to be future dated in the couple of weeks up ahead, and lets' see which will come to fruition. A little self-realizing prophecy game to play, I'd say. After all, playing England and kicking French buttocks into stone age while being excommunicated from the Papacy gets boring after a while. *Yep, that's when those Catholic countries gang up and beat the hiding out of every city you own...while the Mongols come knocking on your backdoor*
So I predict..
at the time of This Posting,
I would have grown tired of playing Medieval Total War 2.
I would have broken several rules regarding exercise.
I would still be aching from the arched back gotten from badminton.
I would be moping at home while work piles up from the workplaces. Yes, both workplaces.
I would be working in the morning 8-6, then my 2nd job from 6-8.
I would be missing my friends and wishing for my OG to wake up their idea and go out.
learning through life's potholes
got my first virgin catch! =] too tired to talk about it now..and feeling slightly feverish about it, so maybe just a while later...
learning through life's potholes
lol, i thought i'll never have such a scary pun on me,
but i'm going FISHING! Hope I get a reasonable catch!
learning through life's potholes
we've reached the crossroads once again, at the same time as the previous year.
the left leads to a simple life, relaxation, and enjoyment.
the right, to a significantly tougher road, filled with obstacles.
I chose the left the last time I passed through this crossroad. It didn't end the way I wanted.
Against all logic, I'm heading for the right one this time. So...its farewell to the ideal holiday I've dreamt of, being able to go out with friends and loved ones at a whim.
..cause its best for the future..
learning through life's potholes
when one delves into the depths of comic books and rpgs, it seems that one's mentality is constantly being questioned.
What side are you on: dark, or light?
What strength do you hold?
What do you value the most?
Who are your treasured friends?
apparently, the constant theme of friendship, of alignment, and of growth is forever embossed within these manga/rpgs, and the most interesting fact is that it holds great allure even after the repeated usage in several archetypes. I guess I kinda grew up in this environment, constantly questioning what's right and whats' wrong. Always a dreamer, they once said of me. Always seeing the world in black and white, naively thinking that darkness is a quantity of negative emotion easily retained within oneself.
How..reminiscently childish.
though I wish I could think that way about the decision I have to make now. I really, really don't want to make a step into the darkness or blind myself in the light. I..just want the best of both worlds, yet I shun the agony of taking on the consequences of both simultaneously. is it prudent to go on like this? is this twilight really the way?
..I'd wish I had the tenacity not to kill myself over this.
learning through life's potholes
so finally, the madness ends, and we're all left standing like idiots amongst the rubble. the going was tough, the tough didn't get to go shopping, and you can be pretty sure theres a bunch of people going around asking "what's next?"
and one said, "go forth and multiply". the next moment, he's nothing left but a stain on the ground. we're all looking at each other, waiting for someone to initiate something to get the herd mentality going. some furtively glance to the battlefields next door, wishing for their comrades to join them in the aftermath as soon as possible. but its not, they have their fights to finish, their stories to unwind.
squatting amidst the wreckage, its hard not to wonder. "what's next?" No. that's already been asked many times. more like..."How now?" there's plenty of things to be done, little time and money to be spared, and loose ends that beg to be tied up, snipped, or simply to be played with. I'll admit it. I'm as lost as the next man. Sadly, that other man says the same thing.
So its time to dust our buttocks, and to head off into the proverbial sunset. This war's over, and there's nothing left for us to look back upon.
And off I go, tired and weary, limping into the sunset while avoiding the masses thinking i'm some nasty prick.
learning through life's potholes
..its actually quite pissifying.
i'm referring to the manga zettai kareshi by the way. finished the entire manga within a night..and it all feels that the guys inside are so perfect and selfless, so pathetically ideal that it tries to influence certain stigmas onto unsuspecting readers. the way it idolizes romance, no wonder its a shoujo comic. bleargh.
soushi's really one sad character though...throughout the entire manga i couldn't stop feeling horrible for him. haiz. all this amidst the lack of time for studying EG1108.
learning through life's potholes
