It seems really ambiguous, how girls really want things to go in a relationship, how different people have their own expectations of the dream guy coming forth to declare fidelty and love in their very own expected manners. Some want the bloke to go for a show-hand, and yet act gentlemanly and unexpecting of a response from the girl, to give her the choice and yet throw in the towel and drop all pretense of "just being nice". Some are turned off by subtle hints or even simple acts of genuine care. So tell me, how should a guy wade through the salmon run of obstacles? How should one determine which route to pursue?
Nonetheless, I suppose I'm done with this try. Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad to have extended my stay at work for an additional 2months, at least I got to know alot of other friends, particularly her, and even more so that she's a fresh breath of air ever since god-knows-when. At least that puts the doubt of whether I'm really going off girls out of sight. In a sense, she's different, but I really dont' know if she's going to be special. I'd like her to be, at this moment in time, but i can't guarantee theres an ounce of interest from the other party. Still, as time drifted after my departure, things just became...dull. Considering that a piqued interest has now been roused from its tri-year slumber, I suppose its pretty much of an anti-climax. All the lessons learnt from the past start to crumble, and the ugly characteristics banished back then start to resurface. Clingy, childish...desperate? I don't really want the very weaknesses to return..after all, it was an oath that I undertook after the final straw back then. Possibly, and ironically, the more you get attracted to someone under such circumstances, the more unappealing you become..
Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad to have her as someone to talk to, but I suppose this is the time to distance off. Then again, when this happens, as with past experiences, it'll probably mean she'll become yet another passerby, a passenger waiting at the same bus stop through the traffic of time. Ironic, but the more these thoughts cloud my head, the more matters become complicated and things become more awkward. The deeper I sink myself into that inextricable situation of being overtly-nice *it happens* to her, the more uneasy both of us will feel. With negative responses coming through nearly on all fronts, I think the matter's rather clear, and I shouldn't harbour any false hopes that've been plaguing my love life since back then. Unhealthy. Don't get me wrong, I just want to be happy being me again, and not worry about trying to become someone modelled after an expectation. I should just carry on with life in my bachelor pad. It's more peaceful this way..
learning through life's potholes