as the final call for all of us to stop writing came, somehow a long-lost feeling just washed over me. its that focus that i've experienced back when the semester started, the direction and goal that has spurred me on for the past 6 weeks suddenly flooding back into my mind as I sat there amidst the general outcry of how the paper went. I took a breather. Maybe two. But with each breath as I took in that solo seat within a sea of people, things became so much clearer.
I suppose mania did take over for the previous two weeks. I can't deny myself of any fault in this ensuing madness, perhaps the holes in the dam of emotion that i've methodically plugged up back then were slowly, unknowingly removed bit by bit, and with time, untamed and superfluous feelings started gushing out. Its not something to be proud of, especially with me setting record lows in my life. Nonetheless, they each piece together lessons valuable to the future..
So I now sit at the eye of the storm. Looking forward and back, left and right, there is chaos, temptation, and challenge on every front. Behind me lies a road of regret, a curving trail that I've blazed through ever since I came to realize the inner voice of conscience that has nagged me at every turn. I profess and claim to be a logical and rational person, but yet there have been things that recently clouded my judgement so much that I've lost track of my current status and situation. Yup, I suppose I could start regretting the mistakes I've made, start regretting about myself even pitching in when there's evident desire to remain mutually nonchalant. Nevertheless, its time to make amends, to stop this crazy track before it runs everyone off the cliff..
As I looked around after the examination hall cleared, I felt all alone, and yet so very much in control again. I sat there a while longer, savouring whatever's left of this serenity. As the clouds slowly dispersed over my mind, I was sincerely glad to have rediscovered my focus.
With a sigh of relief, I picked up my emotional luggage, and bravely stepped back into the tempest, my sense of direction reworked and vision refreshed.
learning through life's potholes