First things that requires attention would be to repair the damages I've caused while blundering around in this china shop of relations. I believe I've pretty much torn apart from this person so much that its' become rather chilly engaging in normal conversation. Sure, I could lament all I want; after all, it was my own dilemma and indecisiveness that caused such a rift. But as I stumble my way out of this great canyon, I'm really hoping I didn't step into the same mistake I did 3 years ago...to lose a friend in the bid to become closer..
So a quick inventory check of emotions. I'm aiming my CAP score this year, my double degree/SEP next year. There won't be much time left for me to enjoy in university..and I don't want to lose such precious time left in my life in school brooding over the aforementioned lack of affection. Besides..lets admit it. If i were still so easily convinced and rushed into a relationship, I probably wouldn't be ready for the attachments that came with it. I'd be more than glad to just remain friends for now, for the manic tempest that troubled me 2weeks past has finally blown over. I suppose its a 3yr-itch, the sudden urge to find acceptance before realizing that I'm happier being just by myself for now. Heheh..it just feels quite sour-grapish even to think of it. But nonetheless, this emotional side of me has to tone down in the years to come..not when people already realize I'm so old and still acting like a kid >_<
Yup, so dye my hair or not, its not an adherence to other people's choice, but it pretty much felt so weird just to have a near hostile response. Hereby starts the long route to recovery again, I suppose.
I can only pray that I don't fail this time.
learning through life's potholes