Its been so long, I wonder..
Back before I entered university and after army, it didn't matter that I was alone. I spent nearly every day alone in my room, and I didn't mind it. I embraced it, and loved it. But, being alone now feels too lonely. I used to read books, and play my guitar just to waste such lonely times away. But now, it feels too lonely.
*total randomity - its' v-day, so let me indulge in abit of reflection.*
Its been so long, I wonder what it truly means to love someone. Do we guys really have the bravery, the selflessness to let the ones we love go with a better person? I cannot fathom the option at all. Going through that option once was already murder.
What does it truly mean to love..how do we know its not a fleeting sensation, or just wishful thinking?
I once thought I knew..
Back then, it was eating together, and having fun together.
It was seeing the same scenery together, and never forgetting that moment.
It was watching television, even when miles apart, and still laughing about it days later.
It was about laughing like crazy, or at times, getting worried sick over the person.
It was about wanting the best of the world for the person.
It was about wanting to take away all their tears, and leaving them all smiles.
And...it was thinking, hoping, and wanting to spend more time with them.
It was simple things like these, that I called love.
Now, it doesn't seem so easily defined. What truly defines the warm feeling toward another to be love, and not friendship? How do we stop the never-ending spiral towards this judgement with every bond we make?
Is it truly desperation, or do we really want to simply cheer up a friend when they're down? Extrapolate that: why do we selflessly proclaim to want nothing in return and stay by their side, cheering them up and lending a shoulder to lean on, when we wrestle the demons inside us, all goading us into wanting their acknowledgement and love in return?
I thought I knew the answers 2 years back.
Now I'm as clueless as the next single this Valentine's Day.
Until I know the answer, I fly solo.
learning through life's potholes