amidst all the exam stress, i suddenly realized something ugly. its not that its anybody else's at fault, except that its solely my personality flaw. seriously, its to the point of being overbearingly irritating. why the hell am i so retardedly persistent, so bloody stupidly...optimistic at things?
why do i care so much about other things? about other people? thats being overly goody-two shoes, being too hoity-toity, acting all high-and-mighty already. I'm sick of thinking like this. and i really want to stop. i don't want to "make a difference" when people don't need them. i don't want to "be there for them" when they don't even need a shoulder. i can't stand this bloody idealistic side of me. because that makes me become a liability..and seriously, a nuisance to these people. f***. i don't know why or how i became such a goody-two-shoes or such a stuckup, thinking that what i know or do, or the things i believe in are the best for everybody else. because its 99% of the time not the case. and if someone were to stuff things down my throat, saying that its good for me, i'll probably flip that guy off. asshole.
its more than enough now. i'm sick and tired of this retardedness screwing things up within me and the people around me. "its the thought that counts.." bullshit. if anything, anyone's to blame now, i gladly claim all the credit. f*** this. all this idiocy is making me feel nauseous about myself. and no thank you, i'll feel better if i'm alone in this one. if you're still reading, don't even try making any sense of all these to any situation. it doesn't just refer to a single incident, and neither does it to anyone particularly.
out.
learning through life's potholes