perhaps, maybe its just me. I don't know, how ambivalent one can get. right now i feel that theres a tight-fisted wad of anger all bunched up inside, for certain reasons i'd wish never came to existence. it would be so convenient to attribute it simply to exam stress, so easy to shrug off responsibility of such fickleness, of being so shallow...that I don't even want to adopt such a hollow excuse anymore.

i hate this indecision..this ambivalent feeling that's welling up inside right now. i don't know which way to go, and i fear even taking a single step either way. yet, the status quo isn't any much better, but its the best situation i can sustain for the greater good for now. i'd say it. the me that's manifested in these 2 weeks has a terribly contrasting goal and mannerism as to the past. it wants to tear away from the old emo and oversensitive side, but there's things holding me back. its as if theres a primal fear that retains me from changing.

but yet, this life angers this new loner personality so much. it wants to lash out and hurt people, but i guess some part of me doesn't want that to happen. especially not to the ones i love and treasure. urgh. the mere thought of that stings. i really, really wish things will get less..painful either way.

and previously, people said i was patient....bullshit.

I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. Its a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.

Eddi Ow
21
NUS Students' Engineering Club
Material Science Engineering
Military Policeman

hates
weakness
emo
cheese

CAP 4.0!
PS3
Peace
a moment of respite
the energy to live this through..

Shaoxuan
QingZhao
Xunyu
Hungwei
LiKoon
Shua
03s73
Chiew Yi
Jaymie
Kheng Soon
Si Qian
Vanessa
..the past..