its been so long ever since we've all met up, and it was a tough ride out from school after an exhausting meeting to PS to meet up with the remnants of the class. i suppose partially its my fault for being so quiet today, i just felt so discombobulated after the grilling session in the afternoon, i couldn't really make conversation with everyone else. felt so detached, but it was really nice to see everyone after so long.
was sitting down at the tables near the entrance of manhattan fish market, when suddenly the girls facing the door started calling out her name. Upon seeing her stroll down the corridor with a dreamy look on her face, regardless of how much she's changed, there came a sickening gush of dread that spread rapidly up my face. it still affects me, i don't know why. after...5years of isolating ourselves away, avoiding eye contact, there came this horrible chance that we might see each other again. i've always told myself this: be a gentleman, and forget it all, just be friendly.
but i couldn't muster up any courage to do anything. not even to force a smile out.
she continued strolling away, much to my relief. only then, did the girls realize its not prudent to call out to her or to even pursue her, but the damage's been done. have i truly gotten over her? or is it just that with every girl that i've opened myself up to, there will forever be a lingering residue that will never be erased?
i feel really invalid. almost as if i'm back to square one in the army. don't mind me, i'm ranting my frustration over something i never felt in control of, and have lost control over.
T_T
learning through life's potholes